I have been intrigued by Blake Ostler’s 2007 FAIR conference presentation entitled, “Spiritual Experiences as the Basis for Belief and Commitment.” I have read it several times and have decided that Blake is on to something that I would like to develop further. As you can see I have modified his title a little bit for use in my essay. I highly recommend you read his essay first.
I’m going to focus on two points he made as he was answering questions towards the end of the presentation. The first is this: “Memory, and what we do, is changed every time we think about it and remember it.” The second is this: “All logic is ex post facto to prove what we already feel is true.” Keep those points in mind as I advance some ideas on my experience with revelation.
Youthful revelatory experiences
Like Blake, I had some remarkable revelatory experiences when I was young that impressed me at the time but have impressed me even more as I have pondered and remembered them over the years. I have written about them previously, but will list them here to provide some background. Don’t think that these sacred events were easily obtained or casually absorbed. They weren’t.
I was taught and believe that we cannot live on borrowed light. Throughout my Seminary and Institute experience, I must have heard dozens of lessons on how vitally important it is to obtain our own witness of the spirit in order to remain committed to the church and the gospel in later years. My teachers taught me and the spirit confirmed that I could receive personal revelation.
Foundational spiritual events
The first revelatory experience to which I’ll refer was obtained while I was a student at BYU Idaho. I was seventeen years old and very immature but very impressed with a testimony I had heard that week from an Apostle of the Lord. That weekend in my room I prayed fervently for many hours to know for myself that what he had said was true and important for me in my life.
The next impressive spiritual event in the development of my testimony was the next year when I was eighteen years old and preparing myself to serve a mission. I have also shared this one in a previous essay. The experience was equally as impressive as the first one though it was perhaps deeper in meaning and implication. These are part of my early foundational spiritual memories.
Deep impact on my faith
These were not my only youthful revelatory experiences. I have recorded several others in my journals that came almost unbidden during the years before my mission. Although I received them as a result of prayer, the effort was not as intense. In other words, I did not pray for many hours or fast for days to obtain the other experiences. Nevertheless, they were just as powerful.
Because of these events, I was able to go through the difficult and rigorous experience of serving as a missionary without looking back and wondering why I decided to sacrifice like that for two years. I had these sacred memories burning in my heart and being added unto with additional everyday assurances from the Lord that I was engaged in his work and that he was appreciative.
Working with imperfect people
Life marches on. An education is obtained, a marriage is solemnized in the temple, a family is raised and increasing responsibilities in a career and in the church are rewarding and fulfilling. As sometimes happens, I begin to learn things about my faith, and especially about the people in it that are at first disturbing and then disappointing. I experience some logical inconsistencies.
Cognitive dissonance can be a painful experience when it includes people from our world who are in authoritative positions. For example, a beloved bishop from my youth became inactive after he was released. How could this happen? He represented the Lord to me in interviews that I held sacred. He helped me resolve several youthful problems and encouraged me to be faithful.
Imperfections even at high levels
Another bishop from my youth is disciplined after fiscal improprieties in his business dealings are revealed. I learn of divorces of people whom I admired, some of whom were influential in my youth. I then begin to learn of difficulties in higher levels of the church – stake presidents who lose their testimonies and announce to their congregations that they are leaving the faith.
A promising general authority is excommunicated for breaking the law of chastity. I discover that an apostle was excommunicated for this very same reason less than forty years earlier. How is this possible – a modern apostle excommunicated? I can understand it happening in the early days of the church but not in our day and age. These are men of God. Tell me this wasn’t so!
Sacred things exposed and mocked
I discovered that a former ordinance worker in the temple had recorded the temple ceremony and then published it. How could he do that? I hold the temple sacred and have enjoyed so many wonderful experiences there over the years. What could cause him to lose his faith and reveal something that means so much to me? Did he never have any spiritual experiences of his own?
From the earliest days of the church there have been those who have not been impressed with the sacred nature of the temple and have exposed things that they have covenanted to keep sacred. In our day there are those who claim to have received the second anointing and then describe it on the message boards of those who hate the church. Something’s not right with this picture.
Not all members receive revelation
I used to think that everybody in the church had spiritual experiences similar to those I enjoyed in my youth. Over the years, I have come to realize that this is not the case. Can that be true even for those who have served as bishops, stake presidents or even general authorities? In my opinion, yes – personal experience has shown this to be so. Not all members receive revelation.
That has been an amazing thing for me to contemplate. Was I just extremely lucky or blessed to believe that I could receive revelation when I was so young? Several visitors to my blog over the years have tried to convince me that I did not receive revelation. They have suggested that what I experienced was a form of self-hypnosis, or simply the effect of a frenzied, emotional state.
Memories can be enlarged
Back to Blake’s two points, memory first. I have come to realize that although my early spiritual experiences occurred nearly thirty-five years ago, they are clearer in my mind now then when I first experienced them. The combination of pondering them and writing about them has helped me to understand that there was much more detail in the experiences than what I first thought.
As Blake pointed out in his essay, this helps me to understand why Joseph Smith could recount the same First Vision experience differently in each of the accounts he relates over the years. I was so focused on determining my own standing before God in my first youthful manifestation that I had overlooked how deeply and powerfully the Lord spoke to me about missionary labors.
How to explain all this
Blake’s second point was that all logic is created to prove what we already feel is true. I have had prima facia experiences that overrule any logical inconsistencies I have encountered in what I have learned about the history and people of this church as I have studied it in more depth. In effect, I have not really experienced cognitive dissonance at all because the spiritual trumps logical.
Let me restate that. My spiritual revelatory experiences with the Holy Ghost early in my life have proven to be so powerful that it seems that no matter what kind of troubling things I may learn about the men who run or have run this church, I feel inoculated and immune to their effect. My evangelical friends call this “living in the protective Mormon bubble of a testimony.”
Summary and conclusion
My experiences with the Holy Ghost are not going to be the same as yours. They may be similar or they may be completely different. For me, these revelatory events in my youth have provided a foundation for my experiences in this church thus far. I have encountered much imperfection and weakness in the men who run it, but the spiritual witnesses of my life have protected me.
The bottom line is that I continue to believe that the LDS Church is what it claims to be when it was setup through the prophet Joseph Smith in 1830. The simple fact is that we can know this for ourselves through revelatory encounters with the Holy Ghost. No matter what negative things I discover, nothing can overcome the strength of that personal witness if I remain worthy.
Note about the illustration: This artist’s conception of Joseph translating the Book of Mormon is one that is highly criticized by some members of the church. They feel it is disingenuous because it does not show Joseph using the seer stones in the hat. It also shows the plates in plain view of Oliver which was not the case. Joseph was not to show them to anyone unless commanded of the Lord.