The Last Post

HollandAtThePulpitWarning: This may not be Uplifting

I’m in another computer class this week. This makes week number sixteen this year. For those mathematically challenged, this will be 640 hours by the end of the week. I’ve got three more weeks to go – another 120 hours for a total of 760 hours. I got to thinking about when my migraines started. They started in February – about when I started all this computer training.

High Tech is for Young Folks

Maybe it’s because I’m a 56 year-old man and this stuff is fast-paced high-tech. I’m not saying I can’t keep up. I find it harder to focus so I can remember what is being taught. It was different when I was younger. There’s more stuff in there that needs to be shifted around and categorized to make room for new technology. I hope this is the last time I have to recertify my tech skills.

Keeping the Bad Guys Out

I think this is going to be one of the most enjoyable classes. It’s called “Ethical Hacking and Countermeasures.” In other words, I learn the same stuff in this class the hackers employ who want to break into my work systems. I’ve often asked myself why someone would care to break into our network. We manage several billion dollars’ worth of private jet aircraft, but so what?

Few Can Afford a Private 737

The aircraft mean nothing to me. They’re just things. I wouldn’t want one. They cost millions of dollars to house, staff and maintain each month. I would probably be worried about how I would pay for them but then I guess if you can afford a private Boeing 737, you can afford to pay for the monthly maintenance. Besides, a single charter flight can bring in half a million dollars.

A lifetime in the Business World

I hate business, always have. I thought I would be a college professor, a scientist or astronomer actually. But someone told me I could make more money to provide for my family if I learned computers so I did. I’m not sorry about my decision. I enjoy my work, especially weeks like this, but I have always wondered what it would have been like to teach or to be a research physicist.

Escape into Writing Science Fiction

That’s why you’ll find one of the main characters of my book teaches at CU. Funny thing is, he’s not happy with his job either. He wants to work for the government, because that’s where the big bucks are. He hates having to work so hard to get his programs funded and get new grant money each year. He feels stuck in his job, always looking for a newer telescope to manage somewhere.

Teaching Gospel Doctrine Class

I think I’ve written in the past I always ask the Lord what he would like me to write about in my blog posts. A couple of things come to mind. One is the wonderful experience I had substitute teaching our gospel doctrine class two weeks ago. I’ve been teaching church history since I was seventeen. This had to have been the most emotional retelling of the crossing of the plains ever.

Ephraim’s Rescue

I could barely finish the story of the rescue of the Willie and Martin handcart companies. I think it meant more to me because I had seen TC Christensen’s wonderful movie “Ephraim’s Rescue” just a few months ago. I related the story of how Ephraim Hanks ceremoniously washed his hands before each healing and how his gift grew upon him over the years. It was a sacred story.

Thinking of Denver Snuffer

But I had to think about Denver Snuffer as I taught. I know you’re going to ask why so I’ll tell you. I had the lesson divided into three – The rescue of the handcart pioneers, the crossing of the Sweetwater with the three young men who ultimately gave their lives to accomplish the task, and then part three was supposed to be spent in the scriptures, as we discuss being rescued by Christ.

We Tell Good Stories

I’ll offer the excuse of having been a high counselor for so many years in a previous stake. I love to tell stories. High Counselors, the good ones anyway, are able to take their assigned subject then shorten or lengthen the telling of their prepared material until it fits the time exactly so the Sacrament meeting ends at five minutes past the hour. I learned to do that with great expertise.

Scriptures Didn’t Get Read

Unfortunately, in the telling of the stories of the saving of the handcart companies and the story of the crossing of the Sweetwater by the three boys, I used up all my time. I never got to part three. While I received many complements of how deeply touched the members of the class were, what did I do wrong? I did not teach them from the scriptures. Not a scripture was read.

A Savior Who Rescues

It was not intentional I assure you. The spirit was felt. Even Carol said so and she does not hand out compliments easily. But the doctrine of a Savior who rescues us was not discussed. We did not as a class open the scriptures, read silently or out loud, separately or together, the scriptures that pointed out the whole purpose of why we meet in Sunday School: to learn of the Savior.

The Migraines Continue

I have thought a lot about the need to be rescued over the last seven months. I am a problem solver by nature and by training. By apparently my problem is not one that is going to be solved, or at least I haven’t discovered the solution yet. Migraines run in my family. I remember many days coming home from school finding mother lying in the dark with a damp cloth over her eyes.

Lots of Reading and Thinking

They always seemed to come to her after grading a lot of student papers. That involved reading and thinking, exactly what I am doing in my recertification classes. I’ve read that migraines can also be hereditary. Hmmm…Mother was marginal bi-polar. So am I. I am so grateful for Elder Holland’s General Conference address last Saturday. It was exactly what I needed to hear now.

Improve Skills With The Scriptures

So what does this have to do with Denver Snuffer? It made me think of something he said or wrote: that we have become a church of storytellers, and darn good ones too, but not nearly as good at opening, finding, studying and telling the story of salvation and revelation from the Lord’s scriptures. I speak this to my self and nobody else. I lack in scripture teaching skills.

Finding Answers in the Scriptures

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I know the scripture stories. I can tell them with the best teachers who have spent a lifetime in this church using such stories to illustrate points as found in approved curriculum, but what about just opening the scriptures and teaching when prompted by the Holy Ghost? Perhaps such opportunities don’t come very often in your life. Are you ready for them?

Remember, Doctrine Doesn’t Sell

It still bothers me that Denver Snuffer was excommunicated last month. It still bothers me that friends who I dearly love, who have written books devoted specifically to doctrine have seen the sales of their books drop from the high plateaus of the seventies and eighties to the low levels of almost nothing today. “Doctrine doesn’t sell,” they are told by Deseret Book sales executives.

This Blog is Six Years Old

It’s been six years this week since I started this blog. I’ve grown a lot and made a lot of friends, but I’ve discovered two things that bother me tremendously and have caused me to think deeply about both the need and the wisdom of continuing a blog like this. First, anyone who has read the blog from the beginning knows how much it has changed. I do not believe things as I did then.

I Thought All Mormons Were Conservative

Back when I was started I was naïve and immature. I believed everyone felt as I did. I thought most Mormons were conservative, believed the stories of the restoration literally and felt as deeply as I did about preparing for the second coming. I felt the return of the Lord was just around the corner. I thought God was preparing a people to meet him. I believed in a real Zion.

Close Encounter With Evil Spirits

I still do, just not in my lifetime. Some of you know back in February I had a close encounter with the devil or at least with a couple of his evil spirits. It has permanently changed my life. I am no longer the same person. I am much more emotional. I am much more sensitive. I am now hiding behind drugs. The prescriptions for anxiety and pain keep the devil away, but just barely.

Hiding Behind The Doctor’s Pills

The other day I tried an experiment to see if maybe I had convinced myself of something that wasn’t true. I stopped taking all the pain and anxiety drugs – just for one day mind you. I thought I could handle it. I was fine during the day. The head burned a little, the pain was there as it had always been, but it was manageable, at least until 1:00 o’clock in the morning. Then I knew.

The Evil Spirits Returned

I knew I would never be free from what whatever had happened last February. The evil spirits were back. They woke me up and let me know they were still there. Their presence I felt back in February may or may not have had anything to do with the drugs and alcohol my son was using. It scared the crap out of me. I took my pills, waiting for them to take effect, went back to sleep.

No Idea of the Cause

Carol kept asking me, when this pain started, asking if it had started when I began reading Denver Snuffer. No, it started in February, and as far as I can tell, is related to anything other than a more intense effort to or realization that the new material I was studying for work was a lot harder than it was the first time or the second time I went through this certification process.

Mental Illness Can Be Hereditary

I was warned in my patriarchal blessing the adversary wanted to destroy me and my work. I always wondered what that work was. I still do. But I’m not sure how much longer I’ll need to worry about it. The pain and anxiety have been getting steadily worse. I’m going to have to face the reality I have developed the same mental illness that afflicted my mother in her later years.

Time to see the Head Shrink

That’s the curse of borderline genius, they say: sometimes you can produce amazing things with wonderful God-given gifts. I feel this when I prepare and teach a gospel lesson that helps people feel the sprit. Other times, you see or hear evil spirits. What is a person to do? I guess I have done everything except what the last doctors suggested – see a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Owned by the Boss 24x7x365

I am tired of driving on the Los Angeles freeways two hours every day for a job that I both love and hate. I love it because it is so damn easy that I can do it in my sleep. I hate it because the boss owns me and made it clear in a recent conversation I am to be at his beck and call whenever he needs me 24x7x365. He also called me a grumpy old man. That hurt even if it was true.

This Blog May Suddenly Go Away

So I think I’ve said the two things I wanted to say: 1) This blog may suddenly disappear one day. What does it matter in the eternal scheme of things? Am I a better man because of this blog? Does it server any useful purpose? Have I ever or am I now helping anyone? The numbers say I get a few hundred readers a day but I think they’re just looking for news of Denver Snuffer.

Even the Very Elect Shall Be Deceived

That’s the other thing I wanted to say. 2) We are told in the last days that even the very elect shall be deceived by false Christs. Funny, I never considered Denver Snuffer to be a false Christ. What do I do with the witness, even the burning testimony I was given when I read his last book, Passing the Heavenly Gift, that it was true, especially now that he has been excommunicated?

Looking for a New Job

I’m going to look for a new job. I’ve made up my mind that it’s not worth the many hours I spend on the LA freeways to be told by a wealthy man I once respected that he owns me. Why should that matter? We’re all owned by our employer’s, especially in California where we are employed at will, meaning the owner does not have to give a reason to fire us. He simply can.

Money Can’t Buy You Happiness

I am willing to take something, anything that is closer to home, even if it’s thousands of dollars a month less. What is money anyway? Yes, that means I’ll have to move. I can’t afford to live in this beautiful city, but from everything the scriptures tell us, there will be no more beautiful cities left in a few years. I’ve been taught all my life the last days will be unbearable with suffering.

Not Your Typical Mormon Family

But the most important thing in the world to me, my relationship to Christ, has suddenly become front and center. I am not your typical Mormon. I am not a young Mormon man with a beautiful young Mormon wife and a large beautiful, happy Mormon family. Perhaps I grew up with that but that has not been the experience of my adult life. It’s just been me and Carol and Mike.

My Son Has Moved On

Mike is gone now. He is happy, or so we think, based on the things he writes on Facebook. He always was smarter than his dad and has a better job than his dad where he does things that are much more technically challenging that what I’ll ever do. I love Mike. I’m proud of him. I hope he finds a god woman to love and to make his life complete. He lives by the seaside up in Goleta.

Not Very Uplifting Writing

I don’t think I’ve ever written like this before. You can tell it took a somewhat ominous tone about halfway through. Sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. I am simply disappointed and did not find what I was hoping for from General Conference, as wonderful as it was. There is something missing from my life, and that something is a sacred, close personal relationship with the Savior.

The Church Says I’m Deceived

And the one man who taught we could and should pursue such a relationship has been cast out by the church I love. I was never as excited as I was when I read PtHG. Then I had never been as disappointed and saddened as I was when I learned he had been excommunicated. Now I am the point in my life where I am tired of putting up with disappointment. It’s time to make changes.

ONLY Prophets Know the future

I won’t change my church. Where would I go? But I am disappointed in what they did to Denver. I have to ask if I’m crazy – one of the deceived ones we were warned about all though our youth to be wary of. “Don’t be like them. You’re special. You’re elite. You’re the chosen ones. Don’t let anyone lead you astray. Follow the prophets. They’re the ONLY ones who know the way.”

Farewell and God Bless you My Readers

God bless. I bid you adieu. Who said that in the Book of Mormon? Was it Nephi or Moroni? Oh, neither. It was Jacob. Ah, yes, wanderings in a strange land. That’s us. Cast out. How in the world can a man go without the sacrament or the temple? I guess your own home becomes your temple. You become your own bishop, therefore authorizing the sacrament yourself. Interesting.

Update: about 4pm on Wed 10-9-13: As noted at the beginning of the post, I have been intensely involved in a computer class that starts at 6am and runs until 2pm each day. When I say intense, I mean intense. This is a class on how to defend against evil people who want to steal, deny your rights as a paying customer or worse, to simply destroy or bankrupt you by wiping out your data.

Your wonderful comments

I have noted your 33 comments to this essay, and especially the now 441 comments to my previous essay.  I am deeply moved by your expressions of sympathy and compassion, especially from some who I don’t even know, in addition to the dozens of private emails inquiring after my health. I can tell you the second half of the essay above is not normal for me and ask you to excuse me.

The Influence of Drugs

It was written under the influence of hydrocodone, tramadol and clonazepam (now my spam filter is going to have to work overtime). I am so sorry if it a) made no sense, b) was not uplifting, which is always my goal and especially for c) stating that this blog may go away. As I just reread it in a more sound mind, it made me think I was going to go off myself or something. How horrible. I’m so sorry.

Can’t Run Away From Problems

I will include these last four paragraphs in comments below, then read and respond to your comments and state unequivocally I am not discontinuing this blog. There are two things I need to work out – 1) How I am going to deal with my ongoing health issue in a way that would be pleasing to the Lord and 2) How I am going to deal with my testimony issue regarding Denver Snuffer in a like manner.

56 comments for “The Last Post

  1. October 8, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Not sure if your last paragraph means you really are hanging up the blogging gig–but I understand it can really burn you out. I blogged for about 4 of 5 years consistently, and finally dropped way off on that. Now maybe two or three times a year–far to busy. Hope you find what you seek–will check back from time to time to see if you do post anything on occasion . . .

  2. October 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    You asked if this blog had been helpful. Although I only recently encountered it, I know it was helpful to me as I wrestled with my own gospel struggles. i just want you to know you helped at least one. Thank you. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

  3. Ray
    October 8, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    God be with you on your journey, friend.

    “May there be a road.”

    Oh, and please don’t stop taking the medication. Please. This is personal for me, since mental illness runs in my extended family and my mother’s schizophrenia was controlled for years with medication and the sacrifice my father made for her. Elder Holland’s talk was about depression, and I have no idea what your own issue is, but what he said applies equally to other conditions, as well. I believe passionately it was a prophetic sermon, and I immediately thought of it as I read this post.

  4. Ray
    October 8, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    I thought of that talk not because of just the medication, but also because of his advice to slow down, cut back, relax, etc. I know he was speaking to others, as well, but I hope the picture at the beginning of this post means you recognized his voice to you.

  5. Thomas Parkin
    October 8, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    It’s interesting that you mention the Sacrament and the Temple, because those are the only two reasons that I still retain any loyalty to the church. My true spiritual experiences, the ones of a kind that I don’t question, are pretty much always involved with either the Sacrament or the Temple. As long as the Priesthood is administering those ordinances, I’ll be on board, even if I’m barfing over the rails. There is plenty of nonsense in and around the church. Sometimesit feels to me like an avalanche of nonsense.

  6. Janet Owens
    October 8, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    I appreciate your candor and honesty. I love reading your blog. You seem to me an anchor of common sense seeking guidance from the Spirit. I will miss you. I have read Denver’s works but have not received a witness from the Holy Ghost that his claim of having an audience with Christ is true. He certainly has done his homework and given me a new perspective on the scriptures. But still, I have wrestled for two years to get a confirmation from the Spirit and feel nothing. Take care of yourself and thanks for you thoughts on this blog.

  7. October 8, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    Would you consider relocating to Huntsville, Alabama? There are a plethora of computer-related security jobs here, including jobs for hackers to test government network systems. (But we still need to get past the past the federal budget-continuning resolution mess.) Also, you would fit into my ward.

  8. Ryan R
    October 8, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Hi Tim – If my feelings are a reflection of what people generally think of you, then you have a lot of people out here that admire you. You *do* have a conciliatory voice that is refreshing. You strike me as humble and a true follower of Christ. You might be closer than you think, Tim.

    Encounters with the Lord seem to be preceded or accompanied by an encounter with the adversary (Joseph Smith’s and Moses’s experiences, for example). The topic of your lesson, or at least the theme that you hoped to get to and didn’t, is appropriate to this situation. The Lord rescues.

    I don’t think He could withhold his hand from you. There are people in my life that I love and respect because of their humility. Their patience with their children. Their patience with others. Their love for others. I admire and love these people because I don’t naturally have these gifts that they have and that you have. I have too much fire in me. I’m striving to have the Lord temper me.

    Don’t underestimate the extent to which the Lord has already transformed you. Like I said, you might be closer than you think. I would guess my prayer is not the only one that is asking the Lord to make himself known to you finally. After all the struggle. God bless you.

  9. SteveF
    October 8, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Hang in there, you’ll make it through. You’ve desired greater things, greater knowledge, wisdom, and intelligence that comes through the Savior and builds a greater relationship with Him and the Father – storms are bound to come. Cling to your covenants, particularly your endowment that is for the express purpose of helping you to overcome all things, and the more you can stay true and hold true to the brethren the better off you will be, even if at times you are hanging on by a thread and it seems like the fountains of darkness surround you and all rationale for following the brethren seems to fail, lean on faith and even hold on to blind faith if necessary if the strength of the darkness is nigh unto overpowering, and stay the course, stay true to the brethren who are Christ’s (quorum of the 12, and First Presidency), and your faith will be rewarded a hundred fold.

    It’s ironic that Denver, whose writing peaked within you this desire for greater things, may also be the cause of a very large trial and inner turmoil you will face as you seek these very greater things his writings seem to inspire you towards. I do not doubt your desire for further light and knowledge and a greater relationship with God is inspired by the Spirit of Truth, in this thing you are not deceived; maybe you still attribute that to Denver, but I think those writings were merely an external trigger for something that you already had waiting and building inside of you after years of faithful service in the gospel. I believe your heart is right, and when the heavy storms come, again look for strength in the enabling power of the atonement through your endowment and stay true to the brethren, and after you have weathered the heavy storms as Abraham your father did, you will come out on top and receive the greater blessings you seek. I believe in your ability to do this thing, my prayers are with you as you endure your upcoming transitions.

  10. Lew
    October 8, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    Tim,

    I got interested in your blog for the near death experience book you recommended and the Doug Mendenhall book and Mel Fish too. I never care about the Snuffer posts you made I just never learn much from you on that topic.

    I hope you can find some peace, The Lord will always give it to you just keep your heart open and follow his voice.

    I was reading alma yesterday and read a how to scripture:

    23 And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall plant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, springing up in you unto everlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your burdens may be light, through the joy of his Son. And even all this can ye do if ye will. Amen. (Book of Mormon, Alma, Chapter 33)

    Find joy in Christ and your burdens will be made light Tim. I suggest you stop dwelling on yourself and go find people who are needing you to serve them, I promise The Lord will fill you His Light as you do this very simple thing. The Gospel is simple Tim. Go and lift someone else’s burdens and don’t dismiss my counsel. Don’t forget the witnesses you have felt, be believing and let God worry about the things you can’t control.

    So go serve, let Christ’s love flow through you to those you come in contact with, you have the power to do this Tim, just choose to. Relax in the Spirit and feel God. Quiet your heart and mind and get away from man’s opinions and hear what God tells you, He is always speaking to you.

    God bless you Tim.

    Please return and report, I care what you are going through.

    With love,

    A reader of yours

  11. Collin
    October 8, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    I’ve really enjoyed your blog – thank you for all the work you’ve put in. I hope the Lord heals you and that things pick up for you. It’ll be sad if the posts stop. Hopefully since there’s a balance in all things the false spirits will soon be followed by true spirits. You don’t get to heaven without going through hell, right? Yikes…
    I’ve never known anyone else who was into those quirky LDS doctrinal books – my first LDS book was “Prophecy” almost 20 years ago and I just can’t get enough of that stuff. Nice to know I’m not alone. :)

  12. October 8, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    It would be a real shame if you were to stop blogging entirely, Tim, just as you seem to be picking up a lot of new readers. Your voice is needed as more and more members wake up to the recognition that it is the Savior we should be following and not the organizational Church.

    May I suggest that rather than quit, you simply cut back. I found that I do well on my own blog when I don’t push myself to do more than one post a month. I have health problems of my own, and once I decided I can go at a slower pace that suits me, things have gone better. Maybe you’ll consider keeping your hand in, just less frequently.

    You have been instrumental in making others aware of such giants as Denver Snuffer, Anthony Larson, and Melvin Fish. You are doing the Lord’s work with this blog. Just go at a reasonable pace, and blog only when you are truly moved to do so.

    I don’t think you’re done yet, my friend.

    Rock Waterman

  13. Steven
    October 8, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I googled migraine natural cure a saw this: MigraineTreamentGroup.com.

  14. October 8, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Tim, your blog is as timely and needed as ever! You have no idea how many people are in the same boat as you. I, like you, and many others, know a prophet has been cast out, but the Lord’s plan for us is to stick with the church for now. Wha…? Confusing. But we’re taking one day at a time as further instructions are given. The Lord has all of this uncertainty — & us — in the palm of His hand.

    Meanwhile, have you read Doug Mendenhall’s book, ” Conquering Spiritual Evil”? It might have some valuable insights as to how to conquer the evil that is tormenting you.

    Also, the long commute might be made less dreary by listening to Denver’s “40 Years” talks. I am listening at every free moment and am enjoying learning clearly what the Lord’s will is for His humble followers right now in Oct. 2013.

    You are on the right path of seeking your priesthood ratification & activation from On High. You are on the right path of learning all you can from a prophet of God, a truly Redeemed man, a prototype in the living, breathing flesh of a saved man. We haven’t had that since Joseph. You are on the right path of seeking the face of our Savior & His ministry to you as the Second Comforter.

    Everything else is ancillary and will take care of itself as you seek the Lord & seek to relieve the suffering of others (aka the 2 great commandments).

    Please continue with your candor & meekness on your blog. Even if, as Rock suggested, the frequency of posts declines. Few bloggers there be who are both candid & meek. You have earned my trust and many others’ — & that is so rare & treasured.

    Please know we love your blog for you, not simply news of Denver. We love seeing the journey into light & knowledge you’ve taken over the last while, which mirrors ours… yet you have the candor & meekness to blog about it to the universe. No wonder the demons from the bowels of hell have been assigned to destroy you.

    But they will not win. I have the utmost confidence our Savior Himself will deliver you from them. Then He’ll ask you to teach the rest of us how it’s done.

    Your power & influence for Christ right now, Tim, is enjoyed by very few. Please accept our faith & prayers that you will be delivered, healed, according to His Almighty Power to deliver & heal, and your mission on this blog will continue, according to the Lord’s will.

  15. October 8, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    Hey Tim,
    Yeah, sad to read this. But totally, do what you gotta do. I really really recommend the books by Kay Redfield Jamison.

    Everyone’s already said most of what I was thinking, but just to emphasize, you are a great example of continuously searching and learning with sincerity and humility. I know I told you before, but you do have a gift of being a calm, moderating voice. We’re all hoping you’ll still post from time to time. There is purpose behind all this.

    Prayers and faith and lots of good karma headed your way. :)

  16. October 8, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Tim,

    Through your blog I’ve become aware of several authors I’ve subsequently enjoyed and learned much from. You are a thoughtful reader and I’ve enjoyed your book reviews.

    CEH training–assuming your class has an instructor who isn’t merely “teaching to the test”–should be a blast. I know when I took that training several years ago it was.

    Would you consider job leads outside of California?

    I wish you all the best.

    Michael

  17. cih
    October 9, 2013 at 12:40 am

    Tim, I echo the gratitude and admiration of other readers. I’ve read your blog for nearly a year and a half now and have found myself reading much of the same material, asking the same questions, and coming to similar conclusions. I rarely find anyone to speak to about my search for truth that is on the same steps in the journey as I am, so finding voices like yours that is a few steps ahead of mine is refreshing and very appreciated in this journey that is most often very lonely. We share a love of near-death experiences and end times, and similar questions about and admiration for Denver Snuffer.

    All I know is when I woke up to better knowing my Savior and following His Spirit more closely, I found the path I expected to take as a mainstream member shifting to one that veered more in line with the thoughts and subject matter on your blog, one I’ve found is trodden by fewer members but feels more in line with where the Spirit has led me. I hope, as you do, that the path we are on is the correct one. Thank you so much for taking the time to write, I’ve noticed in my life nearly all direction from the Spirit prompts you to act in some way, particularly to write and record your experiences for the benefit of others. Because of that pattern I know to be true, I’m confident your desires to share on your blog has truly been the Lord’s work, and you’ve touched more lives than you know.

    Hang in there, remember at the end of the day love, service, and faith, and emulating the Savior in those virtues will always be the right path.

    Thank you so much again, I hope you will cut back but continue to write for your the sake of us readers who find insight and comfort in your writings.

  18. fellowSeeker
    October 9, 2013 at 2:25 am

    Tim, Hang in there. All those on the path back into the presence of The Lord will have times where they feel nothing. It’s part of the ordained path. We are to continue moving forward even when we’re not hooked up to 1000 volts of spiritual energy. The day WILL come when you will receive. Continue forward.

    As far as the blog goes – it’s blessed my life and others. But more important, ask yourself if it has blessed yours. If so, then you’ve done good and can feel good about returning to it if and when you feel prompted.

  19. fellowSeeker
    October 9, 2013 at 2:30 am

    While reading President Monson’s talk, I couldn’t help but feel he is talking to so many of us who are on the long path of enduring to the end:

    When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no balm in Gilead?”1 We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.

    The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? Some do falter as they find themselves unable to rise above their challenges. To finish involves enduring to the very end of life itself.

  20. October 9, 2013 at 3:08 am

    As you may have noticed I have stopped blogging for a while.
    I knew when I started that there are times when we need to speak and others when we need to step back and ponder before we can participate in a meaningful way to our environment.
    Step back. Rest.
    Come back when you feel ready to do so because I hope you do.

    I do believe you are experiencing a hard time of your life which is very interesting down the road. Yours is not your typical hard time but a mix of a lot of things and I hope you can keep your head above the water even if you can’t swim to reach the goal that you thought had been set up.

    You need to know that since I have stopped blogging I have missed you and I may very well come back on my own blog in a few months. I’ll be sad if you’re not around to comment but I’ll be still thinking of you hoping you’re fine.

  21. October 9, 2013 at 4:13 am

    I have loved your authenticity and your zeal for finding the divine in our personal lives

  22. Jan Marie
    October 9, 2013 at 4:32 am

    Dear Tim,
    I have read your blog for only a few months…but, I have enjoyed your sweet spirit and intelligent comments very much. I have been a member of the church for 65 years, and I feel kind of fearful when I see what is going on..but I feel we need to remember these words, ….”having been true and faithful….” let us not forget that this is our destiny, and we must put our all into it, to make sure that we will be able to say those words, when the final times are here…
    Tim, I don’t know you personally, but I feel a kinship with you, you are my brother, and I am sad to see that you are not feeling well, and that there is so much anxiety and sadness in your life…I was just so hurt and devastated when I read that you were quitting your blog…I hope you can find the ability to continue…I need your wonderful words, Tim, I hope you will find the strength, and that Father will bless you with many special and great blessings at this time…to have your health restored so that you may continue to help us, and bless our lives with your particular wisdom and kindness.
    May God bless you, Tim
    be of good cheer.
    Jan Marie
    Australia

  23. Dave Downs
    October 9, 2013 at 6:56 am

    I just found you, and now extremely sad to be losing you. As someone who is struggling with mental health issues, I intamitly know the road your heading down and say, “it is a slippery slope.” Good luck.

  24. Sheri
    October 9, 2013 at 8:42 am

    I just want you to know I’ve truly enjoyed your blog. I appreciate your humility, sincerity and honesty. You don’t claim to know how things are and should be, you just give a thoughtful honest opinion. It is very refreshing. I think many find it easier to relate to you than to many other bloggers. It’s comforting for me to know there are others, like yourself, who are having similar thoughts and questions. I feel The Lord is sending many of us on an important, life changing journey and will comfort us and reassure us along the way. You’ve been one of those comforts. I wish you the best in your endeavors to feeling better and finding that peace you and many of us are searching for.

  25. Paula
    October 9, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I’ve been following you for a couple months. Best LDS blogger ever! I found out about Denver Snuffer from you. But you are a very gifted and humble man and I pray you will find the peace you are looking for.
    The Church needs more members like you. We need to accept everyone because our Savior taught us that. And you exemplify that.
    May God be with you. And hopefully (selfishly for me) you will return to blog again. Happy Trails to you.
    Paula

  26. Toni
    October 9, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Tim, I’m adding you specifically to my prayers. I understand the attacks by dark spirits, and I know they can eventually be chased away to the extent that they cannot attack like they are currently doing to you. I believe that the fervent prayers of those who care about you can remove these direct attacks.

    Migraines also run in my family. They seem to be triggered by stress. I have learned that when I see the visual distortions, if I drink a LOT of water, lower the elevation of my head so blood can rush to it, and a few other tricks I’ve gleaned from research, I can often avoid the headache. Maybe this will work for you, maybe not.

    I deleted my blog a while back. I finally saw that I really don’t know enough to be a “teacher of righteousness.” I did have a disclaimer, but reached a point where I understood that I really did not understand enough. I have enjoyed your blog though, and do not place you in the same category I have placed myself.

  27. Vaughn
    October 9, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Tim, I too only recently found your blog, but you’ve been on my blogroll ever since. And not because of the topic I first found you commenting on–it’s your candor and sincerity that I appreciate. It takes some nerve to share that before the world. And when you see that you now have both eagles and vultures (looks like even some “CoB persona” vultures!) circling and commenting, it’s a good sign that your seeking is headed in the right direction. I’d second Doug Mendenhall’s book, if you haven’t read it. There is so much truth beginning to pour forth and so much to anticipate for those who are humble enough to truly seek Christ. All my best, Tim. My prayers are with you.

  28. Lew
    October 9, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Tim’s review of Doug Mendenhall’s book is what originally got me reading his blog.

    His review. http://latterdaycommentary.com/2012/09/10/conquering-spiritual-evil/

    • Colonias 125 Reunion Committee
      October 9, 2013 at 4:11 pm

      Thanks, Lew! Now I feel dumb for recommending that Tim read that book, lol. Glad to know you have read it and cared enough to comment on it, Tim.

  29. Adam
    October 9, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Tim,

    I have been reading your blog for the past couple of months as well as Denver’s blog. I stumbled upon them as I started reading my scriptures again. Coincidence?? I have learned more from your two blogs than I have my whole life being in the church. I am not saying that the church is bad, but I agree with it just being about stories with no doctrinal content. I was just speaking to one of my employees about that and of course he doesn’t think the same as me. I am on celexa for my anxiety and mild depression. It has been difficult to tell if I feel the prompting of the Spirit or if it is my anxiety. But….I do know that I have learned much from this blog. Do what you feel is right, but you will be missed.
    What about the 11th article of faith? Do we just throw that out?

    We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege. let them worship how, where, and what they may.

    Another things is that president Benson said that the book of Mormon was for our day. Others have said that it is not. Which is it? It can’t be for our day one minute and not the next. I am going off on a tangent.

    Be of good cheer Tim. Christ is at the head and all will be well after the trials of our faith. Things are happening!!!!

  30. Blufish
    October 9, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Sweet Tim, you’ve been a light to me. You are most certainly in my prayers, and please keep me in yours. The devil wants us all.. But he can’t have us!! We fought him off before, we can do it again! He’s a pathetic joke.

  31. Clarice
    October 9, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    Tim. I feel there are several things I would like to address in your post above, but I’m only going to make two comments. One the scripture says “even IF IT WERE POSSIBLE” that the elect could be deceived, not that they would be deceived. I believe the difference is important. Also, I believe you might find relief in something called The Emotion Code, for your migraines as well as the evil spirits. It is something that you can easily learn yourself. But I would be willing to help if you are interested. I will send my info to you over Facebook.
    Clarice

  32. Rick
    October 9, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Hi Tim. You are a gracious blog host and have touched the lives of many, including me. It is interesting how you can appreciate and respect people through this medium.

    If I have a vote, I would also suggest posting less frequently according to your schedule. Your current post is actually uplifting from my standpoint. I believe it helps people understand each other better when they have an idea of what other people are experiencing. There are people who will read this post and be glad you did it because of their struggles. I thought Elder Holland’s conference talk was one of the most unique I have ever heard. I think a lot of people and members may think our leaders have a walk in the park, they actually have as many or more challenges than we do!

    While Elder Holland’s talk might relate with what you said in your post, I also noticed you were looking for something else. For me it is about future events, yet I don’t know how they would speak about that without making a big stir in the church. The age reduction for missionaries and their remarks about the work hastening probably relates to it. Maybe someday a major event will occur and talks will get more specific.

    I have probably been a little outspoken on some comments about Denver. I know some people who have been helped very much by his books, like you express. If you read the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon, and ponder, there certainly are some passages that can cause a person to think. Denver is good on this point and that goes along with his life experience and callings.

    I do scratch my head on the current scenario. It is somewhat different to actually be living when events are happening, so I have an interest in his saga. I’m not patient but I will just have to be while things play out.

    You have been helped, so don’t question it. You are closer to the Savior than you realize, and he is close to you. I consider you to be a good friend, even though we haven’t met, someone to look up to!

    Whatever you decide, I wish you the best and hope your situation can be softened. One of the greatest set of scriptures is D&C 121-123. Joseph Smith was in Liberty jail, imagine that. Let me conclude with D&C 123:17

    17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

  33. Sky
    October 9, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Adieu: The Right Word After All
    by Angela M. Crowell

    Jacob closes the five chapters of his book with the word “adieu.” A question has arisen in the minds of some readers of the Book of Mormon as to why this common French word (adopted by English speakers) was used.

    The 1828 edition of Webster’s American Dictionary of the English Language defines “adieu” as “A farewell, or commendation to the care of God; as an everlasting adieu” (emphasis in original). An understanding of the Hebrew word for “bless” helps to explain the reason “adieu” could be correctly used here.

    The Hebrew verb barak means “kneel,” or “bless.” “Blessing is a most important concept in the 0[ld] T[estament]…. Like cursing, it involves a transfer by acts and words” (Bromiley 1985:275). One unique belief of the ancient Near East peoples was that tremendous power resided in the spoken word (Jones 1964:46). This concept is foreign to our Western minds.

    Generally “to bless” in the Old Testament means “‘to endue with power for success, prosperity, fecundity, longevity, etc.”‘ (Oswalt 1980:132). In Brown, Driver and Briggs’ edition of A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament it is stated under additional meanings of barak that it is used for a “greeting in departing, saying adieu to, taking leave of . . (1951:139).

  34. October 9, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    (These four paragraphs were also added to the blog) As noted at the beginning of the post, I have been intensely involved in a computer class that starts at 6am and runs until 2pm each day. When I say intense, I mean intense. This is a class on how to defend against evil people who want to steal, deny your rights as a paying customer or worse, to simply destroy or bankrupt you by wiping out your data.

    Your wonderful comments

    I have noted your 33 comments to essay, and especially the now 441 comment to my previous essay. I am deeply moved by your expressions of sympathy and compassion, especially from some who I don’t even know, in addition to the dozens of private emails inquiring after my health. I can tell you the second half of the essay above is not normal for me and ask you to excuse me.

    The Influence of Drugs

    It was written under the influence of hydrocodone, tramadol and clonazepam (now my spam filter is going to have to work overtime). I am so sorry if it a) made no sense, b) was not uplifting, which is always my goal and especially for c) stating that this blog may go away. As I just reread it in a more sound mind, it made me think I was going to go off myself or something. How horrible. I’m, so sorry.

    Can’t Run Away From Problems

    I will include these last four paragraphs in comments below, then read and respond to your comments and state unequivocally I am not discontinuing this blog. There are two things I need to work out – 1) How I am going to deal with my ongoing health issue in a way that would be pleasing to the Lord and 2) How I am going to deal with my testimony issue regarding Denver Snuffer in a like manner.

  35. October 9, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Hi Tim. tough week I take it.
    Conference was full of warning and Bro. Uchdorf’s talk talk also emphasized learning doctrine. Something I haven’t heard a Gen. Auth. say or talk about in quite a while. It seemed almost every talk was a warning of some sort. So, we have to pay attention. Something is obviously coming down the pike.
    As regarding Denver, don’t doubt your spirit and the feelings you had about him. Yes, it is sad he was ex’d, I think the Church made a mistake there. But his works still encourage and are full of the spirit (the right spirit). He is trying to help people focus on doctrine and the original Joseph Smith restoration/revelations, and learning of Heavenly Father and Christ. I have read many of his books, his blog, and am now listening to his cd’s. He continually emphasizes scripture study, J.S. writings (now available in the books – a bit pricey but good reading), and studying the doctrines of the restoration. He brought up that the Lectures on Faith were originally the first part of the D&C and ratified by the church at the time. A book I started to study just a few years after I joined the church. If you are looking for “something” – check out Lectures on Faith. I believe you’ll find “something” there. I am headed back to that book to re-read and study more fully, again.
    Hang in there. Remember men make mistakes, even well meaning. Harder times are coming, I think – I don’t know how soon. But if Conference is any warning, I’d say sooner than any of us would like. Say your prayers, keep the commandments, the Gospel is true. The Lord lives and is always there for us. You are doing great. Ruth

  36. Adam
    October 9, 2013 at 4:55 pm

    Tim,

    We all completely understand. so, sorry is not necessary. It made perfect sense. Maybe it was our time to uplift you.

  37. log
    October 9, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Tim,

    If I may impart a word of counsel, it would be this – if, between you and the Lord, this blog serves not the Lord’s purposes, then take it down, else don’t.

  38. Marcy
    October 9, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Its always a blessing when others are willing to share personal thoughts and ideas about their own faith journey with the world.
    Just wanted to wish you well on that on going journey…wherever it takes you!

  39. October 10, 2013 at 7:17 am

    How I am going to deal with my testimony issue regarding Denver Snuffer in a like manner?

    I realize that only you can answer this question for yourself, preferably with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

    But here is a possibility… compartmentalize.

    Mentally place Denver and the LDS Church in separate, isolated spheres.

    • October 10, 2013 at 9:53 am

      You could compartmentalize if that helps. However, I find that, to my mind, Denver adds to what we have in the church. His musings and writings make me want to search and study and read more of Joseph Smith and the scriptures and learn more of God and Christ than I have been doing recently. I’ve been wanting more “meat”, and Denver supplies the motivation and interest to dig in and find it. Which is what the Lord and J.S. tell us to do over and over again. As I mentioned in my last post, I think whoever made the decision to ex Denver made a mistake. That being said, The Denver’s and Nibley’s, the McConkies, Oaks, Packards, and etc. are there to assist in understanding, but I don’t read any thing without praying first.

      Remember mankind is prone to mistakes, egos, misunderstandings, pride, also great revelations, wonderful kindnesses, fabulous ideas, and etc. That’s why you look to God in all things and pray to be discerning of what you come across. Doubt and fear come from the adversary.

      The Church, inspite of some now evident errors of judgement over the years, is the still the best venue we have to learn and grow to be like Christ. Because, once we get past the “milk” stage we have the scriptures – all of them- and the writings of J.S. and other prophets and inspired writers, and our own relationship with the Lord to see where to study and learn. The cliche is true – the LDS Church has the most correct teachings and gathers in all correct teachings from other areas.

      I will never forget the night I decided to be baptized after almost a year of looking into the Church. The Spirit woke me in the middle of the night and said “if you want to learn more, you have to be baptized.” Inspite of disappointments, some of them heart breaking and difficult, I have yet to be told to stop learning and/or leave the church. Just the opposite, in fact.

      Since your mental health issues are a real concern for you, ask the Lord which meds are best for you and take them. Seek what ever help you need, but include the Lord in those decisions.

      If your testimony and faith are in the Lord then a discovery that church leaders can make mistakes (omg! They’re human??!) and as a result some of the Church history may be “off” or writers you learn from who get ex’d won’t be a big problem. If your testimony and faith are in the Lord, then ask Him and trust in His answers. He will guide you to what is correct for you, or lead you away from what may be harmful. You have to ask, you have to have faith, you have to trust the Lord.
      Denver aside, what do YOU know? Where is YOUR faith and trust? If you’re not sure, ask the Lord. He’ll help you figure it out.
      Hang in there – I have a feeling it’s about to get a bit rough. The Gospel is true, what leads you to the Lord is true.
      A bit verbose, I apologize. Wish we could talk in person. There is so much to say! Ruth

  40. October 10, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Tim,
    I’m not sure how I found your blog, but I have enjoyed finding another soul out there searching for truth. You contribute to what would otherwise be a void — those of us who are LDS and seeking greater light and knowledge. We can’t find that at our church meetings, and basically I don’t share too much even when I am sitting in a church class. When my husband became frustrated with “no one to share his ideas” I sent him to the blogosphere, and your blog was one of them. There is camaraderie here. You suffer now, I have suffered, you search, I am searching.

    I have read Denver’s book on the second comforter. Then I read Visions of Glory. I have not had the baptism of fire, or the second comforter, but I continue to work towards that goal. I loved Visions of Glory — it gave me hope and understanding about how things work. Translation as a gradual process makes sense to me and it is something I wish for, if we are truly getting closer to the end times.

    Keep sharing, because it is comforting to those of us that are seeking. And when we pray for each other, it somehow brings us together in our mortal journey.

  41. October 10, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Hi Tim
    I left a comment on a post you wrote about Ephraim’s Rescue. I have since watched that movie and I really enjoyed it. I am a new “Gospel Doctrine” teacher, and my next class is concerning the rescue of the Willie and Martin handcart companies. So I have been preparing by reading the “stories” and journal accounts of those survivors and their descendants. I am a new convert to the Church, so I draw upon those stories and accounts by others and then I pray to know the “pattern” set in the scriptures that Heavenly Father has established that those people followed which was faith and obedience.

    Jesus was a “story teller”. His basic response when asked why he told “story’s or parables” was because some could not bear the “in your face doctrine”, so they were fed with milk, but to his disciples (you and I) he taught his doctrine (over simplified explanation:) Let him hear who has ears to hear.

    I am sorry about your migraines. I suffered with them since my teenage years and they literally came to a head (no pun intended) when I awoke one morning and realized that my vision was extremely blurry and got progressively worse as the day went on. Luckily I work in a hospital and I went to the emergency room. After a series of tests, I was treated for a benign pseudo tumor and later for high blood pressure. Once I was treated for the high blood pressure the migraines stopped and so did the mild depression I was suffering from. It wasn’t overnight, but I made it through. At the end of it, I was pursued by Missionary’s of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I believe joining the church saved my life.

    I have been reading Denver Snuffers blog and books off and on for about 2 years. I have listened to various pod casts. I find him interesting and sometimes arrogant. But I admire his courage to step out on his faith in God, and declare what his heart is telling him to do. Maybe he is a pioneer too.

    Lastly, I am praying for you Tim, you have a good heart and a beautiful spirit and those attributes always shine through. A new book you may want to read by the late John Pontius “Journey to the Veil”. It was announced on the “unblog” about a week ago. It’s out Nov 12.

  42. mac
    October 11, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Tim:
    In the Mormon Stories interview with Denver, he points out that the difference between Joseph’s experience and that of many others who went out into the woods to having a genuine spiritual experience where they were bound is that Joseph PUSHED THROUGH THE DARKNESS IN FAITH. Trust in the Lord, have faith, the Lord’s promises will be fulfilled in your life if you continue along this path.

    I for one will miss your posts, your enthusiasm for the “new message” which you found and loved.

    Are you familiar with Doug Mendenhall? He has written a book on “the dark side” which many have found helpful in dealing with dark spirits. It’s worth the read, it’s entitled Conquering Spiritual Evil, available on Amazon.

    Whatever happens, stay in touch.

    McKay Platt
    macplatt@hotmail.com

  43. October 11, 2013 at 10:34 am

    Anyone who has tried to take an online tech ed class during business hours and then is expected to continue to provide tech support, you know how little time it leaves for answering anything but the most demanding of emails from others – no matter the source. I apologize for not answering comments here and many of the direct emails. The class is just about over, then we’re off to the temple for the evening. The plan is to read, review and hopefully add to your wonderful comments tomorrow. Thanks and God Bless. Things have become more bearable, I am certain due to your prayers and good thoughts. God bless.

  44. JamesM
    October 11, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Thanks for your writing . It has been thought-provoking and inspirational. Sad to see you go but very understandable. I had very similar thoughts during Sunday school. However, I had just studied this http://byustudies.byu.edu/PDFLibrary/45.3OrtonHandcart-60fc35f2-245b-497b-a7ce-e32aa44f58a8.pdf and was less emotional about the Sweetwater Rescue yet more determined to seek truth. Prayers to you and your next ventures.

  45. Good Will
    October 11, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I read your blog, Tim. Don’t give up!

    — Good Will

  46. Tom
    October 12, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Brother,
    I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I too am saddened by how the Church chose to handle brother Snuffer — I am among those who returned to activity in the church as a result of reading his books (including PTHG). I had a car accident several years ago that permanently injured me. At first I tried to attend church, but couldn’t do it – the pain was too much. After some time, I found some amusement reading anti-mormon websites (and the fairlds counterparts) while my wife and kids went to church. And when not doing that, I’d view other inappropriate material (yes, it’s what you’re thinking). I did this for several months, off and on, over a period of 2-3 years. Needless to say, had some testimony issues come up. Then about a year ago, I bought DS’s first book, the 2nd Comforter. I’m not sure how I found myself on the amazon page to buy it, or why I was interested in it, because it was not in my usual genre of Sunday morning/afternoon entertainment… And so it began. I devoured the first book. And all the others. The only ones I’ve not yet read are the Blog books. As a result, I found my way back to church, and back to having the companionship of the Spirit. I still use narcotics for pain control — something that bothered me, but I think I’ve come to peace with. But out of the ashes and rubble that I’d left my spiritual life in after the accident, I’ve found (again) God’s love.

    With that as a preface to what Denver’s writings mean to me, I’m thoroughly distressed at how he was treated, and at some of the things I see going on in the Church. But at the end of the day, I try to apply as much charity and compassion toward those in the hierarchy who are responsible (President Hunt, Elder Rasband, Elder Christofferson, to name a few names) as I can muster, and realize they’re probably only doing the best they know how. In their position, they don’t know what it is to suffer from doubts, ailments, and unworthiness. So of course they won’t understand how these books could help rescue someone. The most distressing thing I ever read was President Hunt’s comment, “What makes you think the church wants a member like that?” I took it as a personal attack, and a personal rejection. But I’ve come to peace (and I hope you can too) that whether the Church wants me or not, I know the Lord still does.

  47. Shem
    October 12, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    I too had my faith restored because of persuasive words and spirit filled work of Denver Snuffer. He points to Christ, moronri 7 teaches me how to judge people who point to Christ. His work is of God.

    • Shem
      October 12, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      I also enjoy Denver’s peaceable walk like Moroni 7 mentions considering all that he has been through.

  48. October 13, 2013 at 5:58 am

    Tim, I relate to much of what you have said in this post. I have felt so heart-broken and betrayed by the church’s flat rejection of Denver Snuffer that I had a very difficult time listening to General Conference last week. God finally sends us a real prophet with a real message from Him and they ex him! It makes me want to grab a whip and drive out the money-changers!

    I know there were a lot of good messages last conference, but it’s hard to focus on the messages when the messengers have just hurt me so much. I feel so confused and hurt inside. I almost feel like they excommunicated me too. The bond of love and trust I used to feel with the church members and leaders just feels broken now. I feel adrift. Like you, what now? All I have left is my family and the Savior. I just don’t know how to fix the bond I once had with the church. But I will continue to be a member of it to the best of my ability anyhow.

    Tim, you and I have never met, but I want to express my love and gratitude for you and your family. You are my brother. You are my brother because we both love the Savior and because we understand one another. Thank you!

    • Rick
      October 13, 2013 at 3:11 pm

      This brings up an interesting concept. I don’t think Denver claims to be a prophet, but his followers do.

      Tim could approach Denver and ask him for a blessing. As a real prophet, and having the real priesthood, Denver should be happy to help Tim. This would be a logical scenario for a Zion Community.

      • October 13, 2013 at 7:02 pm

        Of course Denver has never claimed to be “a prophet.” But what else do you call a man who has seen the Lord and who has a divine commission to teach, testify, and prophesy?

        Am I a Denver Snuffer follower? No. But if Denver speaks the words of Christ and leads people to Christ then I will gladly follow his leadership inasmuch as the Spirit directs. But I do not follow Denver, the man.

      • Ryan R
        October 13, 2013 at 10:36 pm

        “I don’t think Denver claims to be a prophet, but his followers do.”

        One weakness in this comment is that you could remove the name “Denver” and replace it with “President Monson” and the same would be the case. I say this with due respect to President Monson. He has lived a good life and is a good example of Christlike service.

        One significant difference is that one man claims to have received authority from heaven and to have received a commission directly from the Lord, in person. The other is esteemed a prophet by succession from Joseph Smith and makes no such claim to have received a commission by direct visit from the Lord.

        I think that any person acting the part of a prophet should be expected to also claim having received messengers from heaven and having been visited of the Lord. Denver could be a complete quack and we should be wary. Denver has said so himself, that we should be quicker to doubt a man claiming to be a prophet than we should be to accept him.

        But we should also be very serious in our study of the matter. We shouldn’t dismiss it with silly remarks (even if in jest) like “any guy with a name like that must be a fake”. In all seriousness, whether it is President Monson or Denver Snuffer or some other man, we *have* to judge based on the word. Read Denver’s talks. Read President Monson’s talks. Then judge based upon the merit of the words themselves only and not the identity of the messenger.

        This is a critical matter for us all to consider.

  49. October 13, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Dude, what’s this about your age? I completed a Master of Science in Computer Information Technology (with a dual major no less) from a respected local university, at the age of 52 (the same age Alexandra David-Neel was when she snuck into Lhasa even though it was closed to most foreigners). This year I’m 60, and I just completed two graduate level certificates from the same university: Information Assurance and Storage Area networks. I’m certified in ITIL and Project Management, and still working in IT. And I’m now pursuing certification as a Business Analyst. Hint: Huperzine A, and lots of vitamins, and the Atkins diet if you need it. I do all these things and more. Some folks get relief from feverfew for migraines, too. Don’t give up on yourself.

  50. Michelle
    October 16, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Tim, for what it’s worth, I believe that we are certainly in a time of testing and sorting (wheat/tares, sheep/goat etc…) and the reality of light and truth must be strenuously opposed by darkness and unbelief (side note: I like that unbelief is different to disbelief) so as to create a spiritual atmosphere in which we are required to rely on the Lord’s promise of personal revelation to know what is truth.

    False Christs may come from in or out of the Church. I have great difficulty accepting that a person pleading with others to come unto Christ is teaching falsely. My life has been transformed through the writings of DS and my subsequent pondering and searching of the scriptures. Like many other commenters, my husband and I have felt quite alone in this journey of ‘awakening’ with the exception of a few close family members who are likewise engaged.

    It lifts my soul to know that there are others – many, many others it seems – who are yearning for the light of Christ to guide our way, no longer relying solely on the teachings of other men regardless of the title they hold. The most powerful idea I have gleaned from DS is to never place another mortal between the Saviour and me. He alone has the power to save.

    Your blog has been a wonderful companion to me. I resonated with the honesty of this post.

    An Aussie reader.

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