Meeting with a Mental Health Professional


CostOfMentalHealthBroken Things to Mend – Part two (another journal entry)

I met with the first of the five psychiatrists yesterday. If you’ve never met with a mental health professional, you might want to consider it. The experience was enjoyable. He was a little older than me – OK, maybe by about ten years, but fit my idea of what a psychiatrist should be like. He sat in his favorite chair. I sat on one of several couches. He made me feel right at home, let me set the rules. Said if you want to just start talking and tell your story, go right ahead, or I can ask questions. I knew why I wanted to see him and what I wanted to say so I jumped right in.

An immediate rapport established

It took about twenty minutes, he then took about twenty minutes to respond, with a few questions thrown in to clarify, but he obviously got most of it as I related it up front. He gave me a few handouts he had prepared, one he had published in a professional journal and others simply guidelines on how to think about what I had been through. By the end of the forty minutes, I felt I had quite a bit to consider and plenty of reading material so we were done. He was obviously a professional because he knew what I was relating, where it fit, and how to respond. Although it was new to me, it was not to him. I liked that. It gave me a great sense of confidence.

In which I get an education

Here’s the word that put everything into place for me: Hypnagogia – falling asleep, or sometimes called Hypnopomic – waking up. For those who have read my story – and I’ve sent it to several dozen now – I apparently experienced something quite normal. Hypnagogia is used nowadays to cover both states – falling asleep or the state of awakening. In my case, I was awakening when I saw what I believed to be spirits, first one, and then two at my side. The doctor was obviously not shocked that I was able to describe my hallucinations or that I felt I knew them and their history. His response was not abnormal or shocking in any way. Perhaps this is more common – seeing spirits – than I had thought – or he was pretty good at covering up since that’s his job.

Difficulty in Getting to Sleep

We also talked about the state of terror I experienced. It was obviously a shock to my system to see spirits standing by my side upon awakening. We both agreed I still haven’t recovered even seven months after the event first happened – remember it happened twice that first week. It’s always nice to hear someone sympathize that it must have been a traumatic experience, based on the fact that it still bothers me even this long after the original event. Although he was not too familiar, not being a psychologist, we talked about the drugs I had been prescribed to deal with the pain and noted I had been given two sleeping aids. Yes, I have found it difficult to get to sleep for obvious reasons – being scared to death I’ll see these spirits once again. No wonder.

Religion Was Not An Issue

Somehow the subject of religion came up. He confessed he was a “hopeful agnostic,” meaning he had no evidence for any belief in things supernatural but had hope for those who expressed faith and hope in their lives. I was clearly upfront with him, explaining my believe that there are some who do not get to either heaven or hell upon death, but that stick around here, addicted to the sensations of the bodies they once inhabited and looking for others who are willing to share their bodies even if just for a few moments. Again, he was not surprised. I like that. Apparently, he has heard it all before. He recognized not all Mormons believe the same about the afterlife. I’m one of them. I don’t believe in only paradise or spirit prison. I am convinced that some stick around, not ready to go in either direction, perhaps feeling lost or looking for those who allow their bodies to be used mainly through the use of drugs or alcohol. I believe it to be common.

The State of the Physical Body

The doctor asked about the state of my body at the time of the event, if I was over tired, worried, sick, or feeling in any way hyperactive from the day’s activities. I related my active concern for my son, whom I knew to be participating in consumption of hallucinogenic drugs, marijuana and alcohol in his room, even though I had asked him dozens of times not to do so. For more detail on how this could possibly be, I would be happy to send you the document that describes Mike’s mental illness and manipulative behavior through threats of suicide: tmalonemcse @ gmail.com. The doctor nodded his head as I described my concern for my son and his ingestion of drugs in his room right next door, along with his friend. He pointed out I was obviously concerned about the well-being of my son at this time in his life since he was involved in drugs and alcohol.

Enduring pain a daily Event Now

By the way, I had thought deeply over the last seven months about the twenty minutes I took to tell my story up front. I wanted him to know some things about what I believed and about some of the things that were happening in my son’s life at that time. I told him how the experience affected me, all the doctors I have seen, all the tests I have taken, and all the pain I experience. He was surprised when I told him my pain level was a seven, but that’s been pretty normal since that day. He asked how the pain exhibited itself – migraine, headache and anxiety, obviously. I thought I had made that clear up front but apparently not. In any event, by his reaction, I could tell he felt that was a rather high level of pain to be suffering consistently day in and day out. My response: “Obviously something wants my attention. Perhaps it’s still trapped within me.” By his response or lack thereof, I could tell he didn’t get it. I was referring to the idea of trapped spirits.

Not Much Can be Done in 45 Minutes

He has pleased when I reported my son had moved on, obtained gainful employment, moved out and seemed to be happy with his life. He wondered out loud why my pain remained since the original occurrence seemed to be when Mike was engaged in the consumption of drugs and alcohol in our home, something to which I obviously objected. He asked a few questions about my relationship with my son at the time (annoyed) my relationship now (pleased) and if I had let go of those annoyed feelings from that night I experienced the hypnagogic hallucinations. I told him I had made every effort to do so. The bottom line however was, as I expected, “Well, I can’t think of anything I can do for your migraines right now -why don’t you come back after you’ve read the material and we’ll talk some more?” Isn’t that the way it always seems to go with these kinds of doctors? It’s going to take a lot of your time. We’re got to study this out, get all the history and then eventually we’ll make some progress on managing the pain you’re experiencing.

Mental Illness – My Personal Story

Maybe it’s time to share a little about my own mental illness or at least my perception of it, since as far as I know I have never been diagnosed with such. Elder Holland, or was it Elder Morrison, taught us that mental illness is not a sin. I can happen to anyone. It’s just a part of mortality. Just like I was born with the unwanted state of weak lungs which manifest themselves in asthma, three are those who are born with difficulties in their minds / brains. There are all kinds of malformations but some mental illness cannot be traced to anything physical at all. It seems to be more chemical in nature. I suspect I am one of those who has a chemical abnormality that subjects me to serious mood swings – always has. I would go so far as to say it is manic / depressive – just a mild case.

Success in School Related to Work

Being a smart child, or so I’m told, I was placed ahead a grade in school, since I already knew how to read and was wasting my time with all the other first graders. I’ve always felt this was a big mistake as far as social development, but that’s a different story. In any event, school was easy for me – in fact it was so easy I decided I didn’t have to do the hard work of studying. I did great until about fifth grade, or about age eight and then things fell apart. Maybe it was hormones kicking in or maybe it was just the influence of the local bad boys club – everyone has one – but from then on, I did poorly in school. In fact I got kicked out of high school a few years later because I thought it was a joke. The only thing I liked was that I was introduced to my future career in computers.

High School – a Terrible Experience for Some

I don’t know what it was but I just didn’t get the connection between work and grades, but that’s not unusual. In my case, I thought I deserved them without the work. I knew I could do it, but was never really willing to prove it. Well, the system just doesn’t work like that, does it? I was in and out of counseling offices, as well as the local police department throughout my school years because the concept of work and good grades just didn’t seem to come together for me. What’s worse is that about age 16, when I could start driving, I began to hang with some of the even tougher kids in high school – those who got kicked out into continuation school like I did. These are the kids known for smoking, drugs, rebellion, alcohol, partying and general bad stuff.

The wild years of Teenage Rebellion

Yep, you guessed it, I tried all that. Thank God it only lasted about six months. Never broke the law of chastity, but was tempted. January 1974 was one of the worst years of my life. My folks went on a cruise to the South Pacific and somehow, being the youngest, I was left alone. I told a friend, he told his friends, they told their friends and before I knew it, hundreds of people I had never met were having a wild party in my house. And where was I? I was out in the backyard, trying to leave this world through hallucinogenic drugs. Oh, I didn’t intend to go anywhere physically, just in my mind or spirit, about which I knew very little at the time. It was not a good experience. I’ve written about it previously. I characterize it as a religious experience and here’s why: when it was over, I knew there was a devil and a God.

My Conversation with the Devils

Before this encounter with evil spirits, I never gave it any thought. Seminary teachers tried to warn me. Sunday school teachers tried to warn me. Even prophets tried to warn me, but did I listen? No. What is it with kids who think they know better or will only learn by experience? These demons and devils came at me with malicious intent. I knew they wanted to destroy me. Why? I thought to myself. What had I done to them? The answer I got back was simply this: We hate you for what you represent. You have the priesthood. You have the Holy Ghost. You’re been to the temple (baptisms for the dead). You have all the things God says will protect you. We’re going to show God we can destroy even his most choice spirits and you’re one of them.

I Gained a Testimony of Reality of Evil

I was scared. I jumped up and high-tailed it out of there. I took off and drove for the desert. I was thinking the whole way: This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. I didn’t just see and hear evil spirits. They don’t exist. There’s just a figment of the imagination. All my friends told me so. They have no power because they’re only in our minds if we believe in them and I don’t. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself of the non-existence of these evil spirits – and there were dozens of them – I could not shake what had happened to me. I could not deny it. I knew. The scriptures promise we can know from the Holy Ghost. Well, I promise you can know things from evil spirits just as real. It happened to me and because it did I knew that God was also real. I got my testimony that night. It was a testimony that evil spirits exist and want to destroy us.

A Form of Mental Illness

Some in the world would call this a psychosis or neurosis. There is no evidence for spirits, good or evil. Therefore, anyone who believes in them is experiencing a form of mental illness. What I can’t understand is why so few recognize that evil spirits hang around places where alcohol, drugs, certain kinds of music and wild parties are going on. Maybe they do, but chose to ignore them. I mean, it’s more fun to let the evil spirits use your bodies for a few moments to a few hours, isn’t it? There are so very few who believe that such a thing happens, but I know from experience it does. But the American Psychiatric Association’s List of Mental Disorders lists a belief in evil spirits – or any kind of spirits- as a form of mental illness from days long past.

Jesus Came to Cast Out Evil Spirits

I’ll end this long journal entry with a simple statement. I believe one of the primary purposes of the Lord in coming to the earth was to cast out evil spirits. They are real. They can do more damage than we can imagine. They cause sickness, including mental illness. Many of these spirits specialize in mental ailments or disorders among us. If you want to know more about how to conquer spiritual illness among us, read Doug Mendenhall’s book. I have read and reviewed it, studied about it, written about it and came to the conclusion that Doug knew what he was writing about. Get the book. It contains the truth. Don’t be fooled into thinking spirits aren’t real.

15 Responses

  1. Tim, i commented on your face book page. I hope you read the article on ldsmag.com http://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/13412. I hope for you and my loved ones that there is something to the nutritional suplement. I feel (D&C 8:2) and have believed for many years that what you express in your blog is on track. In the last year i have gained a testimony of our need and God’s teaching that we must daily rebuke the devourer/adversary and invite the holy ghost as a protector and a guide. I am grateful to bro. Mendenhall for reinforcing my testimony. Don’t quit writing.

    Like

    • Roy, I do believe I recall reading the Facebook comment but am going to go back and read it again. Thank you my friend, and I do count you as a friend even though we have never met. Thee are so many like that. You are a good man. I appreciate your comments. God bless.

      Like

  2. Tim,
    I have a sincere question: If during your experience in 1974 you were under the influence of a large dosage of hallucinogens, how were you able to tell your experience was real? I don’t mean that to sound as if I’m attempting to cast doubt on your experience. I would just like to understand, if you wouldn’t mind the clarification.

    Like

    • What matters here is my perception: It may or may not have been real. In my mind it was real. And by the way, it was one tab of LSD – first and only time. I’m grateful it was a terrible experience because I was never temped to participate again. Nobody else saw anything. I was alone. Everything was happening in my head. LSD does weird things to the brain and Timothy Leary can tell you as well as thousands of Army personnel on which experiments with LSD were conducted. I am not sure of anything that happened that night other than that I felt an intense amount of paranoia, which I think is still not resolved, thus my fear for my son, that he would suffer as I have. He says he doesn’t.

      Like

      • Thank for your explaining, that does make sense now and I see what you were trying to get across. I know this is a sensitive subject – thank you for sharing your experiences. Many others out there suffer from similar things and I believe you’re doing some good.

        Like

  3. “But the American Psychiatric Association’s List of Mental Disorders lists a belief in evil spirits – or any kind of spirits- as a form of mental illness from days long past.”
    Yes because when you believe in this and when it is used as a reason for harming yourself or others THEN it is a a mental disorder.
    Believing in Santa Claus can also be a mental disorder as well as believing in God.
    It is not “believing” that is a problem but what you mean by this word.

    In your case it was a traumatic experience that can have made you more fragile in some ways. It is the source of your issues not a symptom of it.

    I wish I could talk to you personally because I believe you’re not crazy at all just more sensitive and I honestly believe I have a few answers for you. Not the whole big answer, just tracks that you can follow that can help you.

    I need you to know that I did not sleep well last night and thought very heavily of you and I also thought of your mother and what you wrote in the past about her.
    When I woke up and went on FB I saw you had written something on your blog and that was about the time I was so much thinking of you and your family.

    Pretty much don’t let yourself wrapped up in all “religious” explanation but don’t believe Science is the only answer either. There is a fine line you need to follow and I hope I can help you with it. Prayer can help you and you already know that but don’t forget that God gave us a brain to use it and that shrinks and scientists are not badly intended toward you.

    Like

    • Ah, you clarified something for me. I should read my own quotes more closely. “…a reason for harming yourself…” I know people like that. I also know people who have told me, “the voices in my head told me to do this or that. I could not resist. They were too strong.” I have also heard voices that nobody else could hear, but for some reason, God has given me the ability to laugh at them. I don’t know why, but when they make stupid suggestions like cut yourself or take more pills than you’re supposed to, I am able to respond back, “What kind of an idiot do you think I am? Maybe you did that in your life, or are you one of those who has never had a mortal body.” I can never figure out which kind I’m talking to, but trust me, they are there. I doesn’t bother me. And hey, Gwennaëlle, have I told you lately how much I appreciate you? Thank you so much for your kind words of advice. God bless.

      Like

  4. I think these posts are wonderful, Tim. We all tend to hide mental illness and the supernatural in the church (much like our parents’ generation did), and get all worried and tied up in knots as we tiptoe over eggshells when the topic comes up.

    Spirits absolutely are a part of this world. As believers, we SHOULD be having supernatural experiences. We know the devil is continually prowling around, seeking out those whom he can devour, whether by stealth or outright attack. We also know that God is ever-faithful, always reaching out to us, continually calling our names trying to draw us back to Him, if we will but have ears to hear. As followers of the God of Heaven and Earth, we absolutely should be aware and educated in the ways that we need to handle interactions with evil–because they will come. Even clothed in the Righteousness of Christ through His Grace, we still make poor choices and step outside of those merciful robes, exposing ourselves to spiritual hazards.

    You’re not crazy. And learning more will set you free. So, keep learning. I’ll keep praying. And God will let you know what you need to know.

    God bless . . . :o)

    Like

  5. Hi Tim! Thanks again for sharing so much of your life’s story. It helps a lot of us!

    I’ve had the “opportunity” of being visited by malicious entities a number of times, unfortunately. It is, as you said, terrifying to say the least. However, ultimately, they have absolutely zero power over us.

    The First Vision is a perfect example. Even Joseph was bound against his will by the fallen one(s). So, it shows anyone can be overpowered. But – it also shows us that this state of confinement and fear is temporary and the power of our Lord overcomes all darkness.

    If you do run into these devils again, remember, they have no power over you. If they do, it’s only a short season. The fear can be overcome.

    I’m not saying I’d ever want to be in a situation like that again, but I know you are strong. Fear is their only real weapon. They are angry because they either 1) Didn’t keep their First Estate as we all did, or 2) They squandered their earthly probation. Either way, they hate us. And they love for us to fear them and their presumed superiority.

    But, they are not more powerful than those who are living righteously here on earth. We kept our First Estate. Therefore, Satan may have the power to bruise our heel, but we have the ultimate triumph of crushing his head beneath our feet.

    I know this is all easier said than done, but I hope I could help even if just a tiny bit. Fight the fear. After that, they can do nothing to us. We are children of the Living God. They know that if we realize our true potential, they can do absolutely nothing to us.

    Like

  6. Hello Tim,

    Thank you so very much for being honest and sincere, as usual, about something that afflicts many, many people. I especially appreciate the reminder near the beginning about Elder Holland’s (or someone else?) comment that mental illness is not a sin. I really needed to hear that one today. It is so hard not to feel like a permanently “broken vessel,” despite all the faith I have in a loving Savior who is mighty to heal and save. I guess I just have more healing and saving to experience. :) I suppose I am just ready for the next step and these harder trials. It feels right at least, which is kinda weird to say despite knowing it is my truth. I wish you well on this journey of your own. I will be learning through you. BTW, that whole process of meeting with mental health professionals and trying to find the one that fits can be draining and difficult. Medication is a personal choice, as I’ve mentioned to you before, and though it was not the right path for me it may very well be so for others. Take care, good sir.

    Like

  7. Tim, thanks for sharing. There are good and evil spirits, period. My advice – no drugs, no more shrink. There is nothing wrong with you. APA definition of belief in spirits = mentally ill. Total BS (sorry I could nof find softer language to express my contempt for Banker controlled medical associations). Find a believer or believer’s that you can talk with, stick with prayer and love, it will be ok. Any experience with messengers from GOD’s presence?

    Migraines, I bet are result of your profession, have you researched the effects of the computer radiation you are subjected to all day and night?

    God bless. lb

    Like

    • I agree with your feelings about the APA. You’re the best. All good advice. I’ve spent my entire career as a computer guy – all day in front of screen. Going to keep looking for a local healer I can trust. God bless.

      Like

      • Tim, Lynn is bang on. Simple ergonomics could answer for your migraines–your experience may have changed your posture such that the headaches are a result. (Trust me on this one–my DH is a computer guy, and I’ve spent a LOT of time writing. Even a tiny change from what you’re used to can wreak very real havoc.)

        I’m also in Lynn’s camp as far as sticking with prayer and believers. I’ll ask some friends I have up here for recommendations….I might know someone who knows someone. ;)

        Oh–and do you still use a CRT monitor? If so, that could also be a culprit. They’re really, really bad for the eyes & blood. Sunlight helps reverse the effects, though, so go get you some lovely golden autumn rays. :)

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,325 other followers

%d bloggers like this: