Latter-day Commentary

As we go through life, we embrace high ideals as standards that we value. I am confident that most of us do not perfectly live up to those high value standards. That can cause difficulty in our lives and can be a major form of stress. How do we deal with the discrepancy of a life lived at a level below what we would like it to be?

More aptly asked, how do we live up to those high value standards that we have accepted as being desirable and believe to be achievable? Is it even possible? The Savior taught, “Be ye therefore perfect.” Modern prophets have defined specific standards of behavior that help us reach for that perfection in our day and age.

For example, the Mormon Church has one of the highest standards of sexual purity both before and after marriage, than any other organization of which I know. The standard is total abstinence before marriage and complete fidelity after marriage. Failure to adhere to these standards is a cause for disciplinary action in our church.

Mortality means being less than perfect

Instead of focusing on the formal disciplinary aspect of failing to live up to the standards of sexual purity, I’d like to address the spiritual aspect of what it does to our souls when we find ourselves weak in this area. In particular, I would like to discuss what happens to our feelings of self-worth when we yield to temptation.

Obviously I cannot address this perfectly and include a woman’s point of view because I am a man, so I’ll stick with what I know. I especially want to deal with the idea of being virtuous in our thoughts in order to be worthy of the Lord’s approbation in connection with our efforts to exercise the priesthood as found in section 121.

I am an experienced sinner. I also like to think that I am fairly knowledgeable about repentance. Like just about every other human being, I awoke one day as a teenager to discover that I had entered puberty. No surprise there, but what was very surprising to me was the discovery of the power of hormones in my life.

Virtue and purity bring personal power

Although I don’t recall my parents discussing the idea of virtue with me when I was young, I do recall many lessons in Sunday school, Seminary and especially Aaronic priesthood classes that made it clear what the Lord’s standards are. I can say that I clearly understood that virtue and priesthood power go hand in hand.

I think it is wonderful that the Young Women’s organization in the church has added virtue to the list of Young Women values. I don’t know how it got left out of the original list when it was formulated. It was probably just an oversight. If there is anything that is needed in our youth today, it is an understanding of virtue.

So I can say that before I entered puberty and began to experience the powerful pull of raging hormones for myself that I understood clearly, at least intellectually, that I needed to control myself, to resist certain behavior and to focus on creating virtue in my life. That was a relatively easy thing until my body started to change.

Dealing with temptation

One day in school I was surprised to discover that when one of my friends brought pictures out of his wallet that he had cut from a men’s magazine, I found myself interested in seeing them. Whenever this had happened before I had always turned away in disgust. It surprised me when that disgust turned to very strong curiosity.

Now girls probably won’t understand this, or maybe they do better than I realize, but men are visually stimulated and aroused. It’s just the way we are made. So I found myself viewing these pictures along with the rest of my friends, yet all the while knowing that what I was doing was wrong and that I should turn away.

Over the years, I have come to realize that it is a rare man who is not interested in viewing the naked female form, or that can turn away when presented with such a sight. It takes discipline to resist what is only natural to the natural man (Mosiah 3:19). I knew that it was wrong but I couldn’t tell you exactly why at the time.

The effect of sin on our soul

No amount of lecture from a parent or teacher can prepare you for the feelings of guilt that are experienced the first time you do something that you believed you would never do. Perhaps I am just overly sensitive to guilt, but I experienced it big time that day. I felt miserable. I felt terrible. I could barely function in school.

And yet, what bothered me most was the fact that the images I had viewed kept coming back into my mind at the most inappropriate times, like when I was talking to a girl, or the next day in Seminary class while trying to study the scriptures. This was a new phenomenon, one that I was not familiar with, and it bothered me.

I also noticed that I was strangely argumentative and ornery with my family, and especially with my mother, as if I had a chip on my shoulder. Mother and dad looked at each other knowingly, but I didn’t get it. I did not understand why I was so miserable and did not connect it with viewing pornography the previous day.

Learning about repentance

Of course, I also had an intellectual understanding of the principle of repentance. I knew that when one sinned, one could repent, or turn away from that behavior, and the Lord would take away the feelings of guilt associated with that sin. Although I had sinned before, I had never felt the need to repent up to this time in my life.

Perhaps it was the nature of the sin. We are taught in the church that sexual sin is one of the most serious, although it takes personal experience to really understand why. What I intellectually understood about sin now became a reality as I felt the guilt, shame, embarrassment and sorrow over having put those images in my mind.

Everyone has different levels of tolerance for sin before they notice how it affects them. I have come to discover that my tolerance is very low. I wanted the pain of that sin gone from my life. I was especially contrite and humble as I partook of the sacrament the next Sunday. I swore in my mind that I would never do that again.

Summary and conclusion

And you know what? I felt an immediate relief after partaking of the Sacrament. I felt happy, light and relatively care-free again, at least as care-free as a young man just entering puberty can feel. I had a long ways to go before I learned to master myself, and in fact, I still deal with the pull of the flesh every day as we all do.

The response of many in the world to what I have described here will be to shake their heads in amazement. The viewing of porn is not looked upon as a problem and especially not as a sin. They do not value the standard of sexual purity and it does not mean to them what it means to us: virtue is the source of personal power.

The world does not have the high standards that we do. We have taken upon us ideals that are difficult to achieve, and in some cases almost impossible. It is the Lord that has set these standards and it is the Lord that makes it possible for us to repent each time we fail to live up to them. Forgiveness truly is a miracle.

Related content: Healing from pornography addiction

I love the story that President Packer related in General Conference in Oct of 1974 about a man who was contemplating joining the LDS church until he learned of the requirement of tithing. The local presiding authority of the church in that area met with the man and told him about a few other requirements of time and money that the missionaries had neglected to mention.

As he departed he said, “If you are turned away by a little thing like tithing, it is obvious you’re not ready for this Church. Perhaps you have made the right decision and you should not join. Have you ever wondered why people will do all of these things willingly? I have never received a bill for tithing. No one has ever called to collect it. But we pay it and count it a great privilege.”

He said that the church represented the pearl of great price, which the Lord said the merchant man was willing to sell all he had that he might obtain it. He invited the man to pray about his decision. A few days later the man asked to schedule the baptism of his family. They had been fervently praying. He and his family were attracted by the high standards, not repelled by them.

A way of life

Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not an easy thing. It is so much more than a Sunday Church. It is a way of life. For those who join as adults, it can be a major change of lifestyle to become a new convert. It can be a sacrifice to give up some habits and attitudes that are not consistent with the gospel teachings. Much is required of us.

Sunday meetings consist of three meetings over three hours. If you are asked to serve in a leadership position there are additional meetings beyond that. If you are asked to be the Bishop of the local congregation there are individual counseling meetings that consume many, many hours beyond that. No local leaders are paid for their time given to serve in the church.

Besides the time and money we contribute, we spend hours commuting to and participating in temple worship. We prepare and teach lessons for the youth during the week. We abstain from coffee, tea, alcohol and harmful drugs. We are asked not to shop or participate in recreational activities on Sundays. We are encouraged to do all we can to share the gospel with others.

The moral standards

Perhaps the greatest area in which we differ from the world is in moral conduct. We teach the ideals of a pure and chaste life. That means no sexual relations before marriage and complete fidelity to one’s spouse after marriage. It sounds simple but the spirit of sexual purity involves so much more. We strive to ensure that our thoughts, words and deeds are clean and pure.

Some have suggested that this high moral standard is not realistic or even repressive and only results in unnecessary frustration or a double standard. I disagree. We teach the ideal. We strive for the ideal. We do all within our power to achieve the ideal. The closer we come to meeting that standard, the more we feel blessed with peace of mind and a clear conscience.

We believe that we can be perfect in some, if not many areas. There are those who are perfect in paying tithing. Some are perfect in keeping the Sabbath Day holy. Some are perfect in making their monthly assigned home teaching visits to other members. Many are perfect in keeping the law of chastity. For them it never has been a problem. For some it is an ongoing struggle.

The law of chastity

God has commanded that the sacred power and privilege of sexual relations be exercised only between a man and woman who are legally married. God delights in chastity and hates sexual sin. Obedience to this law brings peace, self-respect, and strength from self-control. As you obey the law of chastity, you will enjoy more fully the influence of the Holy Ghost in your life.

Satan tempts us to rationalize that sexual intimacy before marriage is acceptable when two people are in love. That is not true. Those who break this law are subject to a lasting sense of shame and guilt that burdens their lives. However, through sincere repentance and application of the Atonement, they can find forgiveness which brings a peace of conscience and Joy.

No matter how strong temptations seem, the Lord will help us withstand them if we choose to follow Him. For some, it may mean a lifetime of effort to control passion. Even within marriage, passion should be expressed in a loving, kind and tender manner. Some are tempted to break marital vows because of a loveless or sexless marriage. The Lord will help us keep covenants.

The standards help us grow

The Lord gives us commandments because he wants us to grow. He knows our potential. He also knows how frustrating it can be when we find it difficult to be perfect in keeping those commandments. There is no way we can be perfect in this life. We grow as we try harder each day and each week to keep the commandments and live up to the standards the Lord has set.

Much has been written about the perceived high level of depression in Utah. Many attributed that to the impossibly high standards and cultural pressure to be the perfect model Mormon. How I wish people understood better the power of the Savior to heal us and to help us deal with this growth process. The Lord expects great things of us but we must trust Him to help us.

I am grateful for the commandments. I didn’t feel this way when I was younger. I only saw them as a restriction. Now I see them as safe boundaries. I do not feel restricted or repressed as I strive to live up to the ideals that the Lord has set for me. Perhaps it comes with age, but I also do not feel overwhelmed by these high standards. The Lord has helped me accept them.

Summary and conclusion

Yes, the LDS Church has high standards and expectations of our members. Some suggest that they are not realistic or possible. They continually demand of the leaders that the standards be lowered in conformance with the way things are in the world. Most who complain are those who have left the church because they felt they could not measure up. We are sad that they leave.

For some reason, Boyd K Packer has often been singled out as being the source of the problem of having unrealistic and unrelenting demands. I have never felt that President Packer’s words were any less kind or tolerant than any other apostle. I love him as a defender of the faith and for being clear about where the Lord has set the boundaries. He is truly an Apostle of the Lord.

It sometimes perplexes me to read the writings of those who criticize the church or the leaders of the church. What do they hope to accomplish? Perhaps they expect the prophet to say, “Oh, I’m glad you made us aware of that issue. We will change that requirement right away.” It is obvious that those who think this way have no clue that this is not the church of man or men.