Latter-day Commentary

California Jam 1974

I met my friend Kurt in 1965, when I was eight years old, while digging a hole in the backyard of my neighbor, Tommy Strutz.  Tommy’s dad didn’t like us digging holes in his yard so he made us fill it in.  What is it with boys and digging holes in the dirt?  I was forever building tree houses or digging holes which we called forts.

Kurt was cool.  He said his dad would let us dig holes at his house so I and other neighborhood boys started hanging out with him.  Kurt was a little older than me and so I looked up to him just like an older brother. He was a major influence in my life for the next ten years, or until at least 1974 when I went away to college. 

The influence of friends

My dad didn’t like Kurt at all.  Looking back now I can’t say that I blame him but I didn’t understand it at the time.  Kurt had long hair and he looked sideways at you because he had one bad eye.  He seemed to have a general disrespect for authority figures in society.  That showed openly in the way he interacted with other people.

Kurt was a rebel from the word go.  He wore a denim jacket with “The Mighty Quinn” embroidered on the back.  I had no idea what that meant.  I think it may have had something to do with the underground drug culture that had spilled down from the Bay area to Southern California in the late sixties and early seventies.

Comparing parents

Kurt’s parents seemed very easy-going and laid-back.  Mine were very strict and were often uptight, or at least I thought my mother was.  Kurt’s mom worked at a bank and my mother taught at a local elementary school.  I didn’t interact much with Kurt’s dad but he seemed very permissive and gave Kurt a lot of things.

I don’t know why kids compare parenting styles but I guess we all do.  We usually don’t realize how much our parents do for us until we get older.  For the longest time I wanted my parents to be more like Kurt’s.  They gave him cool stuff and he would share it with us.  Unfortunately, it just wasn’t stuff that my parents liked.

Introduction to vices

For example, one day a bunch of us were hanging out behind the local department store.  There was a little spot between the school and the store where they kept the trash bins.  We used to sit on the high brick wall around it from which we had a good view of all the kids in the schoolyard.  It was our cool place to sit and talk.

One day Kurt popped out a hard pack of Marlboro cigarettes and lit one up.  We all watched in amazement.  He did it so nonchalantly like he had done it many times.  OK, we were all impressed, including me.  Remember, I looked up to Kurt like an older brother.  I wanted to be just like him.  What he did, I did.  That was the rule.

The cultural influence

I can’t tell you how many times my parents banned me from hanging with Kurt.  Apparently, every time I got sassy with my folks it was after I had been with him.  I didn’t get the connection then, but it was very obvious to them.  Without doing anything, Kurt was blamed for a lot of my teenage rebelliousness growing up.

You see, Kurt was a product of the sixties.  He was just doing that which came naturally as a result of growing up in a society that promoted cultural dissent.  We were on the tail-end of the Hippie movement.  Hippies criticized the middle-class values that my parents exemplified and rejected established institutions we upheld.

The Hippie movement

Hippies embraced Eastern religions, championed sexual liberation and promoted the use of psychedelic drugs and psychedelic rock.  They opposed nuclear weapons and war, and even nuclear power in general.  They opposed political and social orthodoxy and rejected doctrinal ideology while seeking new meaning and value.

They favored peace, love, and personal freedom, perceiving the dominant culture as a corrupt, monolithic entity that exercised undue power over their lives.  For hippies, it was “whatever” and “anything goes” as long as you don’t hurt anybody else.  My friend Kurt epitomized this culture and I absorbed it from his influence.

Sex, drugs and Rock ‘n Roll

Kurt introduced me to music that I had never heard before.  I was so sheltered that I didn’t even have a TV or radio in my home growing up.  Now I was listening to groups like Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Electric Light Orchestra, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Pink Floyd and Yes.

You can argue that these bands made some great music and I won’t disagree.  But what went along with that music was the promotion of illicit sex and drugs.  I think you can also call it the great American party scene.  It was prevalent when I was in high school and it still is today, but most powerfully expressed in the rock concert.

Great and spacious building

If there is anything that helps me visualize the great and spacious building as it was described by Nephi in the vision shown him by the angel, it is the rock concert.  Of course, not all bands or songs at a rock concert fall into this category.  But from my experience, the large crowds and abundant drug use constitutes vain imaginations.

In my case, I discovered it firsthand on April 6, 1974, the date of the California Jam and the last rock concert I ever attended.  If you think about the date, you would be right in pointing out that it was the Saturday that we sustained President Kimball as the Lord’s prophet.  Yes, I should have been somewhere else that day.

A lost generation

As I wandered around the festival that day I was overwhelmed with the number of young people that I saw wasted on drugs and so totally out of it.  I had an awakening there and slowly came to realize that I no longer wanted to be a part of this great and spacious building.  My eyes were being opened and it was not a pleasant sight.

I saw so many young people burned out and losing their ability to focus because of the drugs.  So many lost their virtue and with it their desire to create things that are good or lasting.  They went on to be has-beens and dropouts.  Some made it into mainstream society as they got older but the glory days of their youth were gone.

Turning away from the world

The ideals and idealism of the hippie movement had never been realized and never would be.  It was all a big lie, perpetuated by the biggest liar of them all.  That was the feeling I had as I left this group and entered into the world of living the gospel and preparing for my mission, temple marriage and a life of service in the church.

My repentance was not easy.  I had only been away from the church for less than a year but it felt like forever.  I had to work for years to overcome the effects of that world.  I still bear some of those scars today.  Some of the music from those days brings back painful memories that I don’t want to relive.  I had been badly burned.

Deception of the adversary

In the great and spacious building are found many people who are in the attitude of mocking those who have partaken of the fruit.  I’m sure you have seen this attitude firsthand.  I know I have.  When I left that building and found my way back to the iron rod, the attitude of mocking became more visible and much easier to discern.

While some are very direct in their mocking, labeling believers in God and Christ as fools or worse, it has been my experience that most are just going along with the crowd.  The entire hippie cultural movement of the late sixties and early seventies was nothing more than another attempt by the adversary to deceive God’s children.

Summary and conclusion

I know this isn’t a particularly uplifting or inspiring essay but I’ve wanted to write it for a long time.  I was greatly influenced by the American pop cultural of the late sixties and especially the early seventies, when I was in high school.  The hippie movement simply did not deliver the promised enlightenment that so many sought.

Unfortunately, the influence of those days has been integrated into our culture and society.  It is hard to be in the world and yet not of it when so much of our world has been corrupted by the false values of the hippie movement.  The attitude of mocking followers of God is just one of the more blatant results of that movement.

Larry Barkdull is working on a book about wayward children. It will be published by Covenant Communications next year. On his blog he has posted a number of stories shared by other parents about their wayward children. Based on the participation in the comments, I think his book is going to do well, especially among mothers, the primary Deseret Book customer.

In the comments following one of Larry’s recent essays published in Meridian Magazine, I was pleased to read some advice from a parent who has gone through some serious difficulties with their rebellious child. In their case, the child had become involved in drugs. After making many excellent points that pull no punches, the parent shares something you don’t read very often:

Demons of the drug culture

“If you see significant changes in countenance, language, etc., bad friends, rotten music and evil posters on the walls, after your kid starts using [drugs], ponder and pray about the possibility of demonic possession. Yes, it still happens, just like it did in the Savior’s time, but now we call its manifestations some kind of psychosis and try to treat it with drugs and therapy.

“Sometimes you just need to use priesthood authority to cast them out. I got rid of 19 evil spirits in my kid. He and we saw a difference in him afterward. Sometimes you have to do it over and over again. It seems that getting high can remove the normal protections we enjoy and open a door wide for evil spirits.” Only a parent who has seen this firsthand can really understand.

Not in my child!

When first presented with the idea that a family member had come under the influence of an evil spirit, like most of the world today, I dismissed the idea as being something from a time that was much less enlightened. Surely there was a much more reasonable explanation that could clarify the irrational, angry, disrespectful and downright mean behavior. It was just hormones, right?

I have written a series of essays on this whole concept of what I prefer to call spirit attachments. Through much study and prayer I have concluded that this parent knows of what he speaks. I too am familiar with the process of casting out evil spirits. I also know that sometimes, they must be commanded to leave again and again. They keep coming back looking for their old home.

A wise family counselor

For some reason, we were led to a special family counselor early in the process of dealing with a wayward child. He was recommended to us by our bishop. While his technique was unusual, his ability to get to the root of the problem was amazing. The results were equally astonishing. I have never heard of a family counselor who said he wouldn’t need to see you more than twice.

This blog isn’t the place to present the very remarkable diagnostic technique that this counselor employed. I have covered that in great detail in another essay elsewhere if you are interested. I simply would like to point out that the idea of spirit attachments or demonic possession is a very real phenomenon associated with the drug culture. I agree with this parent. I too have seen it.

Power to deal with opposition

I think one of the main points Larry will probably make in his book is that the process of dealing with a wayward child is really a sanctifying journey for the parent. I can’t tell you how many hours we have invested in fasting and prayer, multiple temple visits, and continual searching in the scriptures for answers. We were driven to our knees in extremity on so many occasions.

But because the Lord knows how to succor us, he provided a unique way for us to deal with this problem that just would not go away. For over ten years we struggled with the sorrow, heartache and disappointment that accompany a rebellious spirit in the home. How often I would have cast out the vessel that it possessed, but was stayed by a loving and tender-hearted companion.

The Lord knows what we need

Parents of rebellious and wayward children know how difficult it can be to keep the spirit of the Lord in the home. Perhaps the most difficult place to keep that spirit is within your own heart. Certain kinds of music and certain kinds of behavior just seem to cause the spirit to leave. The Lord has said that control or compulsion will not work to win the hearts of children to Christ.

Long-suffering, persuasion and unfeigned love are the only acceptable ways to reach the strong-willed child in a way that respects their agency. But it can sure be frustrating when the only discernible result is to be taken advantage of again and again. A loving Heavenly Father lead me to the process I needed to learn to control myself through so many years of this struggle.

Forgiveness is the answer

When the door slams again on the way out as the child goes on their way to another rendezvous with drugs, the temptation is to pack up the clothes and throw them out in the street. The worst part for me was knowing that the money to purchase the drugs was deceptively obtained from my pocket. How does Heavenly Father stay his hand when we knowingly try to deceive Him?

I know if sounds simple, but the key to dealing with a rebellious and wayward child who takes advantage of loving and long-suffering parents is, simply put, forgiveness. In my experience, there has been nothing so powerful that has helped me through this long journey. Disrespect to a man is like non-reciprocal love to a woman. The rebellious child knows very little of either.

The first stage of the journey

I would not ever want to go through this journey again. After much effort and encouragement, our son has recently moved out and is on his own. He holds a job and pays his own way. Yes, he returns often for financial help, food and other sundry items. He is discovering that all the things he used that he never thought about, no longer miraculously appear when needed.

Now is the time we have prayed for and done everything in our power to bring about in the manner the Lord intended. What would have happened to this child if I had kicked him out the first time he stole my money and bought drugs? Now, he has a chance. He is now in a position that the Lord can reach him in ways that we never could – through natural consequences of life.

Peace in spite of pain

We are at peace. We have done all we could to help this child enter the world as a responsible and productive member of society. The naturally rebellious child has a self-destructive streak that can end a life early without special attention from the Lord. These kind of children are late bloomers. They just don’t get it until much later in life. Or at least that is my current theory.

I am just grateful that the drugs and the associated demons did not claim the life of this young rebellious child while he was in our home. The relationship is relatively good. He is welcome back anytime. I attribute that fully to his mother who suffered so much and gave of herself in ways that I would never have imagined possible were it not for the assistance of a merciful God.

Summary and conclusion

Don’t try to tell the parent of a child who uses drugs that there is no such thing today as being possessed by an evil spirit. Enlightenment to this parent came specifically because of prayer, study, fasting and revelation from a loving Heavenly Father who knew what was needed to deal with the terrible reality that most of the world denies, ridicules or tries to explain away.

When I was set apart to the High Council when this all started, I was promised that my son would someday come to accept the ways of the Lord and remember all the things he had been taught when he was young. I hold the Lord to that promise but know that the fulfillment of that promised blessing is dependent upon the faithfulness of this parent to what I know to be true.