This is unusual for me to post two days in a row. But, when I asked what I could do to bless my fellowman, this is the answer that came – write. For you it may be different. I asked the Lord what would be a good use of my time this Sabbath day. The answer: Share what you have learned over the last year or more about living together with your wife in love. I will do my best.
I resigned from the LDS Church in September of 2014. In some ways as I look back at it now, I can say without hesitation it was a mistake. In other ways, I knew, and still know, it was what the Lord asked me to do in order to act with full purpose of heart. I was baptized again, but not as a member of the LDS Church. I am not an LDS member and probably will not be for many years, if ever again.
Membership in the LDS Church
Am I striving to become LDS again? In some ways, yes. I have a long way to go. Why am I doing this? I desire to show my wife I love and respect her choice and her heritage. I believe as President Kimball said, “Any two good people can live together in love, as long as they are dedicated to the Lord.” Please, this is an essay on traditional marriage between man and a women.
Carol fulfills me. She gives me love. I believe she loves me. I know I hurt her when I resigned from the LDS Church. Yet, she bore with me. She expressed her disappointment. She has been at times, cold and distant. Can you blame her? I suppose I would be too if the faith I had been raised in was rejected by the love of my life, my husband. She could have divorced me. But she didn’t.
Working Together in a Marriage
I love Carol. In fact, I adore her. She gives me strength and purpose without even knowing it. I go to work each day, mainly motivated by the desire to provide for her a good life, and at our age, good health insurance. Don’t laugh. Wait until you get older. You will see how important good health insurance is, even if it seems like the silliest of reasons to hold a long steady job.
I love Carol because she challenges me. She is not shy about speaking up when we discuss the doctrines of eternity. We have much in common. I try to make sure we read aloud from the Book or Mormon each night and discuss what we read. Sometimes it is a partial chapter, and then a lot of discussion. I love the fact that Carol is committed to her heritage and her gospel testimony.
Compromise and Cooperation
Do we disagree on things? Of course we do. I interpret certain scriptures differently and I try to slip those interpretations in as we comment to each other on what we are reading. I love that she is willing to read the scriptures with me. I love that she is a returned missionary, that she taught Seminary and Sunday school and that she reads the scriptures on her own almost every day.
Is it difficult? Of course it is. I go to Sacrament meeting with her, because I love to fellowship with the Saints. I agree with so much of what I experience there. I was raised LDS and served in leadership positions for twenty-five years. I feel comfortable there. I am grateful for a bishop and for home teachers. I love that the LDS Church looks out for the spiritual welfare of the members.
Each Seeking the Truth
Does Carol resent that I resigned from the LDS Church? I am sure it hurt her terribly. She has made it clear in no uncertain words she blames Denver Snuffer, although I strive to do all I can to disavow her of those feelings. They are misdirected. I do not follow Denver Snuffer, although I have declared him to be a prophet. He has never said he is one, but I know otherwise.
Have I been deceived? Perhaps. My former bishop accused me of apostasy. I think he meant heresy but that’s a different story. The point is, I believe Joseph was a prophet but I also believe the LDS Church, specifically under the direction of Brigham Young, altered history to support the principles and policies he (Brigham) wanted to put forth. That rankles my dear wife. I understand.
Long-Suffering and Kindness
So I have learned to steer clear of certain points of view. I do not need to push them. They have been stated. She knows how I feel and most of what I believe that is different from her beliefs about the history and doctrines of the LDS Church. It is a good church. I enjoy Sacrament meetings and I enjoy the good it promotes daily both among members and through their PR efforts.
Am I follower of Denver Snuffer? Of course not. The man can do little for me and my efforts to find happiness in life right now other than to point me to Christ and encourage me to come unto Him – that is to Christ. I am striving to do so as never before. I love the encouragement I feel when I read his books or listen to his lectures. I say God bless Denver Snuffer, a servant of God.
Truth from Many Sources
But I also enjoy listening to the General Authorities in General Conference and when they speak at other LDS Gatherings, such as BYU or CES devotionals. I believe these are good men, and are also inspired of God. I’m a little concerned about some of the things they say, and the manner in which they put them forth with such passion and emotion, referring particularly to Elder Holland.
There has been much discussion lately of Elder Holland’s lecture in Arizona about the cowardice of those who leave the LDS Church. I understand. I am sorry to disappoint you Elder Holland, because I love and admire you – always have. Nevertheless, I felt I did the right thing when I left the LDS Church and was baptized as a sign I accepted the messages of a servant of the Lord.
Finding Good in Many Places
Yes, this rankles my wife and others. I understand. Nevertheless, I do not feel like a quitter, of which you accused people like me. I feel I did the honorable thing. Come what may, we shall all stand before the bar of Christ. You said what you said, I hope inspired of the Lord. I did what I did, also, I believe inspired of the Lord. I love you and pray the Lord’s blessing upon you friend.
What do I do to live in peace and harmony with my dear wife who is faithful in just about every way to the LDS Church? I do not fight or disagree with her when she makes her points about how much good the LDS Church is doing. I will not fight or challenge her views. There is so much being done by the LDS Church and faithful members. I applaud them for their efforts in service.
Some professional Guidance
Bret Corbridge published and distributed a book about staying together when one is faithful to the LDS Church and another in their marriage feels otherwise. I recommend it. I have read it, helped edit parts of it and highly endorse it. The idea is we can and should make every effort to be faithful to our spouses in spite of our ideological or doctrinal differences. God bless you Bret.
I’ll l try to keep this short. I simply wanted to express in writing my gratitude for a good woman who is true and faithful to what she believes, to her heritage and her traditions. Of course, that is a loaded word. It causes one to think of the Lamanites, but also of the descendants of prominent multi-generational (Nauvoo) LDS Mormon families. Carol and many of you come from such families.
Correlation Killed the Church
I acknowledge the miracle it is that Carol has remained with me, in spite of our now serious differences in beliefs in regards to the history and current indoctrination of the LDS Church. It is not viewed that way by those in the LDS Church, but it is clear to those who view it from the outside. It all has to do with correlation, something even LDS Presidents feared with a passion.
So much has been hidden or withheld from the approved correlated manuals. To even read a book not published by the LDS Church is frowned upon by some faithful members. How closed-minded and shallow can you get? It is not our place to judge but to declare what we know after study and prayer. Differences will always exist, especially about what IS the Gentile church.
Build Each Other Up
Enough. I end with this admonition: Seek peace. Strive for unity. If not possible, hold your tongue. Be kind, patient, loving, tolerant, and above all, allow others their differences of opinion. We all have our reasons for holding on to truth as we know it. It’s a difficult concept for the mortal mind to accept that we might each have a different understanding of what if true.
In the meantime, live together in love. Serve one another. Encourage each other. Help your spouse achieve their goals. Do all you can to bring the spirit of the Lord into your home with faith, prayer, scripture reading and gospel study. The Lord will bless you for your efforts and the spirit of peace will abide in your home. This load has promised this unto those who endure.